To Whom it May Concern........

"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying-
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying."

-Dorothy Parker



*The above photo is of me, shot by the brilliant Gary Breckheimer

California......

Is where I'll be for the next five days. Shooting fodder for a website I adore. I'll be in a doll lovers paradise. You can just smell the silicone, can't you?


I can.

? and !

Well, I am not suprised. Geraldo cancelled. Supposedly it was in favour of the California wildfires. I can't say I blame him.....although the cynic in me believes it's because they couldn't get an owner who has a relationship with their doll.

I really wonder?

Let me take a poll.....

Do you think it was the former or latter of the two reasons?


I vote the latter- but we've established that I am a cynical cunt.

pun:

Freak on a Leash....

yep.



I have been retreating into myself lately, shooting my two newest Realdoll faces. There's face 15, which I have named Jaime and face 16, I now call Ashley. I hate when I get stuck in a 'bout with depression....but those new doll faces sure did make it pass quickly!

So tomorrow at the crack of dawn i am to be photographed by the uber talented artist Gary Breckheimer. If you aren't familiar with his art- he photographs nudes in public. Generally wacky and always brilliant...I was FIENDING to be a subject for him! Well tomorrow is my opportunity to stand naked, in public, in New York City!!! WOOO fuckin' HOOO!!!!!!! Scary and exciting all at once.

While I was walking back from Soho last night, I got a call from Abyss (in case you have a shit memory: Abyss makes the Realdoll...duh) about the Geraldo Rivera Show on Fox News. It seems that because of the movie, 'Lars and the Real Girl' Geraldo feels the need to investigate the relationship between dolls and their owners. I am almost certain he will try to put a sensational spin on the discussion, but I am nothing like Lars. In fact- not one doll owner that I know of, actually believes their doll to be real- the men who do have relationships with their dolls would NEVER go on the Geraldo show. I don't blame them- they are constantly ridiculed. It's live, I'm a little worried about the outcome- but....

Whatever.

I'm doing it. Not for self promotion, but because I genuinely adore dolls!


Always have, always will.




The above photo is the stunning Nerlande and her fabulous nipple, check out her blog- the link is to the right. The title is a song from Korn.

Quoted by the Associated Press......

'LARS' movie shines light on RealDolls



By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer
Thu Oct 18, 8:02 AM ET




SAN MARCOS, Calif. - A dozen headless female bodies hang from industrial metal hooks in the center of the room. To the left are a table of plastic faces, awaiting makeup. To the right, a stack of silicone molds ready for the next order of life-sized love toys.

Normally reserved for private play, these high-end, anatomically correct dolls are getting big-screen exposure with the recent release of "Lars and the Real Girl," an offbeat, surprisingly chaste comedy about a lonely introvert (Ryan Gosling) and Bianca, the silicone object of his affection.

Bianca, a freckle-nosed brunette, was born just east of San Diego at Abyss Creations. The 11-year-old company that makes RealDolls will ship 400 dolls to the U.S. and abroad this year — at upward of $6,500 each.

RealDolls can be actresses, lovers, photo subjects or companions. Customers can choose from 10 body types, 16 faces and 17 hairstyles to create their dream girl. They specify skin tone, hair and eye color, makeup palette and nail-polish shade. The dolls have interchangeable faces ($500 each), so with the pull of some Velcro and the flip of a wig, she's like a whole new gal.

They're made from soft silicone that takes two days to cure to a somewhat flesh-like feel. With jointed skeletons they're entirely poseable — "They move in the same places people move," company spokeswoman Bronwen Keller says — but they can't stand up on their own. They range in height from 4'10" to 5'7" and weigh 75 to 115 pounds. There is also a male doll, "Charlie," who stands 5'8" and weighs 130 pounds.

The artists who spend about 80 hours crafting each doll all started out in the Halloween industry, says creative director and chief executive officer Matt Krivicke, 36. Before working with RealDoll, he made Halloween masks. (O.J. Simpson was his most popular.)

For many doll owners, and for Gosling's character in the film, the dolls are more like companions, each with her own personality and presence.

"She looks like a person," says Rob McKay, 55, a writer who owns two dolls, Lily and Eden. "Even though she's not a breathing person, psychologically you feel like someone is with you. They're like a balm for loneliness or aloneness."

McKay and other doll owners, who share their stories and photos online at DollForum.com, compare the life-size ladies to "teddy bears for adults."

"That's where she's done the most good, reducing the feeling of solitude," McKay says, adding that he prefers intimacy with a live partner but hasn't had a girlfriend since 2001. "Just having her there to hug or just to have somebody close by, even though it's not, obviously, a warm body."

A member of DollForum.com who goes by the name Doll Luvr says his doll "is far more than just an expensive sex toy."

"She sleeps with me, watches TV with me, sits at the table and has coffee with me," he writes. "Just having a female shape laying next to me in bed is very comforting."

Gosling's character gets emotional, but never physical, with Bianca. But whereas Lars is delusional and believes the doll is alive, most doll owners "know where to draw the line," McKay says.

The dolls "inspire imagination," he says. "You put what you think into the doll, so you're projecting part of yourself onto this inanimate creature and making her seem more lifelike."

Stacy Leigh, 36, a married photographer who lives in New York, uses her two RealDolls as photo subjects. Both are petite and "could fit in all my clothing, same shoe size and everything," she says, noting that one doll has a more curvaceous figure. ("The one with the big boobs is the sluttier of the two," she says.) Leigh owns six faces and more than 30 wigs and divides her time between shooting real models and shooting the dolls. She staunchly defends her fellow doll owners.


"Most guys just need it because they just want to feel somebody in the bed next to them, even though it's not a real person," she says. "I feel bad for those guys."

Doll owners tend to be "older men with disposable income," Keller says, adding that the dolls are also popular with couples and artists. RealDolls have been used in movies, music videos and by a forensic studies program as models in sex-crime scenarios, Keller says.

Chicago-based artist Amber Hawk Swanson had a doll made in her exact likeness as part of a multimedia art project. The 27-year-old says she didn't anticipate the relationship she would form with Amber Doll.

During the nine months it took for her doll to arrive, "I really did picture her as real," Swanson says. "Not that I imagined her walking around my house, but I just couldn't wait. I just imagined cuddling up with her."

Swanson is continuing her art project, but she now has a live romantic partner who's "thankful that I've moved past the time when I pictured my life with this doll and not with a human."

She says doll owners can identify with "Lars and the Real Girl," which she describes as "a movie starring a RealDoll that's true to the way many people interact with their dolls: in a partnership way."

Marriage Sucks.

Sometimes.

Back in the day........

I used to be a club kid....not the baggy jean, whistle blowing annoyances that you're thinking of. My generation of club goers' were employed by Micheal Alig. Micheal was a purveyor of good times. The man threw THE most amazing parties EVER!!!! Disco 2000 was on Wednesday nights and anybody who mattered was there. Hell, I even danced in a cage with Amanda Lapore (who was nice to me, until a guy she liked was more interested in me then her). I remember the drugs the dancing and the good times...eventually the good times would come to a screetching halt.

We all knew that Micheal Alig murdered Angel. Every Disco 2000 regular was fully aware of the altercation that led to the demise, of a dirty wing wearing club kid. Micheal went from decorating the club with feathers and glitter to using cow parts purchased from a local butcher and dumping tons of ketchup on them, reminicant of a disco house of horrors. I remember one time I was tripping on E and the smell of ketchup mixing with rotting meat was making me want to vomit, so I went to the VIP called "Shampoo".

Once past the velvet rope being manned by Aphrodita ( A hot European chick, who mouth raped me once!) I noticed a group of my friends dancing to the groovy 80's tunes. I went over and together we formed a happy drugged circle of freaks. We danced and laughed and danced some more. Another friend came over with a joint laced with PCP, that my friend Ray had taken a HUGE drag of. Two songs later Ray went wild in the eyes- and I saw it. I was scared, so I grabbed my best friend David and began to leave. No sooner then we start backing away, Ray grabbed each girl on either side of him by the hair and yanked them straight down with every ounce of strength he had. they screamed like I never heard a human scream before. And there was Ray standing there still dancing with his legs but wild eyed, white knuckling the girls hair with clumps of bloody flesh at the ends. Before we could grab the girls- security encircled Ray and beat him up all the way outside, where they left him battered, bloody and high.

It was a bad night.

A few years later Ray would knowingly fuck a gangsters wife. They would have the wife call Ray, to meet her at Marine Park in Brooklyn in the parking lot. The passenger jumped out of the van and sliced Rays throat nearly decapitating him, then they ran him over once in drive and once in reverse. I felt very badly for the son he left behind, and I cried because Ray never did anything wrong to me...but I knew the world was a safer place without him.


The above photo is me on my second birthday September 10, 1973.....back in the day.

Fucking Jets......

J•E•T•S•, jets, jets, JETS!!!!!

I know, I know....they suck. I have heard it my whole life from every damn forsaken Giant fan. With my dad being a season ticket holder most of my life, I had no choice. He spoon fed me the New York Jets since day one, and if you cut me- I swear I bleed green. I think being a Jet fan is a true testament to my loyalty and patience, because each year without a super bowl ring I can feel a little piece of me die.

There was something markedly different this year- they added cheerleaders!!!!! Hot damn! My hubby and I have been bitching about it for a few years now...and *presto*. The New York Jets "Flight Crew" is now a sexy reality. Their routines are more stripper then cheerleader...but who's complaining, they are HOT! After the game this weekend I checked the NYJets website and perused the "Flight Crew" gallery, and what I saw was sinful!!!!!! Poorly lit, unflattering, shitty photos.


So as with Howard Stern (hopefully with better results though), I got a hair in my ass to write the NYJets and tell them how they need to hire me for cost. I'll keep you posted on how it turns out. They'll probably think I'm a crazed fan!



For the next few weeks I will be around more often...alot of cool things are going on behind the scenes that I want to share- but I don't want to jinx it.


I love big boobs....

happy fucking birthday....

yep.


It's official...


I am far closer to 40 then I am to 30 and THAT just plain stinks. In fact recently (as a birthday gift from my body) my knees began to hurt, I shit you not. Pass 35, and get your first "pings". Pass 45 and suddenly the "pangs" kick in.

The day after my birthday is the anniversary of the worst day in American history on our own soil. So I apologize for sounding like a vain self centered asshole about getting older. Life is fragile.



*the above photo was taken on the last day of me being 35. Cry me a river.

T minus 25......

days and counting, until my 36th birthday.

That fucking SUCKS. But I still look pretty darn good!







So I have been feverishly working on the book, and am nearing completion. I have added some really naughty stuff as well as some Realgirls posing with the Realdolls. I'm looking forward to finishing it, and at the same time I am sad. I am sad because I have made a decision to sell the big boobed doll upon completion. There are many reasons (heavy) but the most important one, is that her leg is broken (at the hip), and I just don't want to cut her open and fix her. It's too hard and I am terrible at performing doll surgery. I tried to fix Taylors vaginal tear (Taylor is the small boobed doll- my favorite) and ended up butchering her so much so- that her vaginal modeling days are OVER!!! Someday I will give it another go, but In the meantime it doesn't matter- because I have plenty of photos of her crotch before I pulled a Dr. Frankenstein.

So let's discuss Howard Stern, because I know you are probably wondering what happened with that. As I suspected- they declined because I don't have a relationship with the dolls and I don't fuck them. I admitted (to Will the segment producer) to getting horny when I photograph them, but why would I tell him details. He's not Howard Stern. Anywhoo, the day after Will emailed me to decline, they had some pig on the show who puts a dildo in her ass and you play ring toss with her....gross. And it's shit like that, that's killing his career and in turn Sirius stock price. I swear I would short Sirius stock if it wasn't already a penny stock.


All we can do is watch Howards career circle the drain...


Don't be sad for me- trust me it's his loss (I was going to bring two HOT 20 something year old models with me who would've taken off their tops! I told Will, but that wasn't enough). In liu of the HS rejection, I was invited to participate in "Harvest 07". Harvest is an 'R' rated erotica art show, that takes place this October in Atlanta....I am very excited!!!! I will be in good company with some amazing talent- namely Aaron Hawks. The man is a fucking genius, so creative and just amazing. I can't wait to meet him!!! In fact, I may purchase one of his prints. Really sexy stuff.



Well, I am off to search the NYTimes real estate section, our lease is up soon and I want a big ass loft dammit!!!


I don't have much else to say...

Howard Stern

is funny guy.

But I kinda doubt they'll have me on the show. After a quick conversation with 'Will', I think he was disappointed that I don't bang the dolls silly...lest we forget, I don't have a weenie!!!


This might go nowhere.


Only time will tell. Or is it: Only 'Will' will tell?

we shall see...





the above photo will be uncensored in my book...it's very naughty.

A Total Lapse in Judgement.....

I am dead ass serious. I had a melt down...After receiving a wonderfully glowing email from a well respected photographer (Published in Penthouse and numerous other places/magazines) about how I am on the brink of making it. I wondered how I was going anywhere if I don't do something about it. He mentioned how my Realdoll stuff is a springboard, and BAM!!!!!!!!! I shot off an email to Howard Stern.

Yep.

That's what I said...

Howard frickin' Stern.

Why the fuck did I do that?

I basically wrote and told them how I own two Realdolls and I photograph them. I told them about the book I am working on (of my Realdoll photos) and how I hope to have it published by Tashen. They asked if I could send a picture of me...and I did. Why? I am still not sure. But I did, I sent three pics. And by the morning they had asked for my number, and after 7 hours of pondering, I sent it to them. Why? Why would I do that to myself? Now I am sick to my stomach, but I just may go through with whatever gets thrown my way. Whatever that means, I'll let you know....



Did I mention I told them I would show my boobies?




*sigh* I told you it was a total lapse in judgement....

poignent ramblings......

or not.







I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, but it's less cool then that- really. I fealt as though I had nothing to say, and so why fake it just to keep up the blog.

whelp, I'm back.

Soon after my return from St. Barts, I found out that while my dad was in Italy he fell off of a tiny cliff and broke 5 ribs and punctured a lung. He is nearing 60 and I am just happy he didn't break his neck and die. Needless to say I took a trip to Florida to visit him (he lives out there). He is doing much better and has learned a lesson in the process...I hope.

He was as drunk as a skunk.

Like alot of people in the world, alcoholism runs rampant in my family- which is the reason I hardly EVER drink. I am scared of it and the seductive powers it has over my genetics. That's not to say I don't have an addictive personality...you should see me around cookies- beyond pathetic. My Mom loves her vodka (and gambling) and my dad loves his scotch (and vodka). I love my weed and sweets. Although the sweets are probably a direct result of the weed....

On the photography front- I have been shooting like a mad woman- dolls, girls, girls and dolls. I am thrilled to be doing so, because I love shooting as much as I love the weed and sweets.


Who am I kidding?


I would give up the weed and sweets for photography in a second.


The above photo is Daniela V. who is just fantastic in every sense of the word. She and I get along so well, I'll know her forever....

Saint Barthelemy, the French West Indies.....

I love the French.

The men, the culture, the food......I had a fantastic time in St. Barts and at the same time I learned that I suck at photographing nature!


St. Barts is a beautiful little island and Eden Rock is one of the best places to stay. If you ever have some extra ching to drop on a vacation- GO!!!!! And stay at the Eden Rock. We stayed in the Micheal suite, which had a view over looking the ocean and it's own dipping pool. It was a recipe for love! Lots of naughty, naughty love!!!!! I would be kidding myself if I didn't mention the beautiful British boy, whos family owns the resort. He was about 22 and PERFECT. yummy British boy.......who can be seen starring in my fantasies for the next few weeks!


My favorite photos from the trip have my husband totally naked in them - and I do not have his permission to post those....so these will have to do.

Gay Bob...

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Boobs Schmoobs.....

My schedeuled shoot last weekend was to be partially shot outdoors...

As I suspected the plan was foiled by Muffy and her faux friends Warner and Babs....There was a Park Avenue princess party in the glass room on the roof of my building, so I couldn't possibly be up there shooting a model with HUGE boobs and silver star nipple pasties...or could I?

Nah, so we shot some stuff indoors. poo.

I really wanted to shoot my roof idea, I am severely limited by the redundancy of my apartment, where I currently have done EVERY FUCKING SHOOT. I am bored with my space and I want us (my husband and I) to buy a loft. I have come up with some amazing ideas for future shoots but I really need more space to execute them. Maybe my husbands comfort level will rise, and we will buy a loft sooner rather then later. In the meantime, I'll keep perusing the New York Times Real Estate section (online of course) in hopes that I find an offer he can't refuse...I'll have to come up with some type of a pitch with charts and finacial breakdowns, because my husband is a hard sell- so much so, that his is nick name at work is "The Reaper".

Well, enough of my pipe dreams- I have good news. I have just recieved in the post, two new faces for my Realdolls, which is fantastic for the book...I am so much closer to getting my shit together to hit the publisher I have in mind. I have been shooting my ass off and it's all for the book.

the book
the book
the book

The above photo is dedicated to B.T.Charles, because he gets it....and I like him because he gets it...my dolls that is.

Sometimes it's My Life I Can't Taste.......

Did you ever find yourself just existing? Not in a bad mood, not in a good mood....just there. I sorta' have been living this way for the last couple of weeks. I am not sure why, but shooting the dolls only- is not helping any. I have been putting together a mock-up of the photo book I'm working on. It's a smaller incomplete version of what I envision. I will use this 8"x12" mock-up to pitch to some publishers...we'll see how all that turns out.

Well, one way to reignite the lost spark, was to book some photoshoots with living breathing models. So I trolled around MM (a model/photographer networking site) and found some beautiful girls to shoot. The end of the week brings the biggest challange for me. I have almost always shot in a controlled environment- not suprising, since I am a Virgo. But this time I will be on the roof of my building, with the empire state building as the backround (I live eight blocks away). The dilemma is twofold:

1) Do I ask permission of my building and risk them forbidding me? or shoot gonzo style and risk Muffy, Buffy and all the Park Ave princesses being offended???

2) ring light or strobe.

There will be two people in the photo...a blurry man in the foreground, camera right, and a HOT girl with nipple pasties and a thong, 5' away from the man. I dont want the man lit as much as the woman, and I don't have an assistant- and therein lies the problem.

Well the shoot is on Saturday @ 6:30 pm, so that gives me some time to work out the kinks.



did someone say kinks?








The photo is a shitty old shot of the dolls in a series called "Taylor Welcomes Tabitha"
The title is from a Korn song entitled 'Freak on a Leash'

Ring Around The Rosie...

If my lens was named Rosie.

So I have had in my posession, the LaChapelle book since Friday. This has given me enough time to look at roughly half the book (it's friggin' HUGE). One thing I notice photo after photo, is LaChapelle loves himself a ring light. I have heard enough about their even lighting to want to check one out myself...so I rented one from Alkit Camera. It works better with LaChapelles style, I find the lighting too flat for my personal taste. The following photo is an example....







I start my second class @ ICP this week and I am super excited!!!! Look out world- a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

9/11 + 365 = 2272

A series of events following 9/11 brought me and my husband together. We didn't know eachother that day, but true love would be found because of it...

I was involved with a guy who wanted to change everything about me, we'll call him Dr. Dick (because he was a cardiologist). It was the day after my 30th birthday and I was down in the dumps. It was early and Dr. Dick called to see if I was feeling better and if I enjoyed spending my 30th at home sulking. I was NOT feeling better and just wanted to get the hell off the phone and have a pitty party for myself, so we hung up.

and there it was.

right in view out of my living room window.

the first tower was hit...I ran and grabbed my film camera with a 200mm lens and I began snapping away. How would they put the fire out? Was my first thought, and then the second tower. I caught the whole thing on film, I was crying and snapping, roll after roll...

after a week in front of the television, not eating, smoking waaaayyyyy too much- just crying in a deep depression. With the average age of the victims of September 11th being 32 years old, I realized life is too short to be unhappy. So I dumped Dr. Dick. How could I be with a man who hates everything about me? I am not a blue blood, I am not a W.A.S.P., I am a true Ginny from Brooklyn, NY. Deal with it.

So there we were, a year later in a Starbucks. Both single and both Wall Street suits. Our eyes locked and that was it. We talked a little bit each time we saw eachother and finally sat down one day to talk over a caramel macchiato. And we fell in love, right then and there. After a long engagement, we finally got married last year on April 13th in City Hall. Yep, I said it- City Hall. I fucking hate weddings.

But I love him.

And this Friday we were together officially for one year. The hallmark suggestion for a one year anniversary gift is paper, boring ass paper. But he one upped me with his creativity and bought me what I have drooled over for some time now...




That's alot of paper.

Bokeh....

This is NOT.

What it is...is "undesirable bokeh", because the foreground is also out of focus. I kinda' like it though because I dodged and burned to give her as much life as possible, I think I had some level of success. Rare is the photo of a realdoll with soulful eyes...ok, not so much rare as never...

But sometimes I swear I feel them looking back at me.

I'm All That and a Dime Sack...

Where the paper at?

Ok, put aside the improper english- I couldn't have said it better myself. That is a line from a song called 'Gimmie the Loot' from the uber talented (and sadly deceased) Notorious B.I.G.. I was, and I suppose still am, a HUGE fan.

During a wonderful lunch with the genius photographer James Graham, I learned a fact that I had long suspected....
We artists' will sell our soul, for some recognition. Sad really, if you ask me. I was not paid for 'Lifelounge' magazine, and I later found out that JMGenius, along with countless other amazing talent have also given up rights, and allowed their art to printed for gratis as well. Where did we all go wrong?

oh well.

Not on this one...

I am going to dive back into shooting again after having gone on hiatus for awhile (due to my mothers health and the sublime sadness). Slowly but surely I'm getting my photos in order for a mock up of a book I am working on. It is what else...but a book of Realdoll photography. I have been struggling with whether or not I should include some of my sub-par earlier works? Not many mind you, but as time goes by, the dolls lose their ability to pose as well as they can when they are brand new. Some of the earlier poses can't be replicated because of "loose joints", as we Realdoll folk' call it. I have officially set a deadline for myself- 30 new doll photos by May 1st. It sounds easier then it is, photographing Realdolls is not NEARLY the simple task some people may think.

Trust me on that one.




The above photo is my first cover, photo courtesy of Lifelounge.com. My copies should be arriving this week!!! I can't wait to see the inside.

Good vs. Bad

First off a joke that I stumbled across today...

What's the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???


Well it made me chuckle. Men- be thankful you have a coin purse and not a set of ovaries because PMS sucks. The other night on an impromptu run to Duane Reade- I was lucky, and timed it just as the the circus began the annual ritual of marching the animals across 34th street. When I got to the corner, the elephants were making their way past 3rd Ave and I began balling!!! Just crying for no other reason then having elephants before my eyes. Now if that isn't bananas, I don't know what is!!! Crying over elephants- can you believe it??





to confirm my suspicions that with the good comes the bad:

The good: Indeed, I did get my first magazine cover (Lifelounge)

The bad: PMS gave me pimples on top of my wrinkles!!!!




I have totally lost it.

It's a Fine Line Between Pleasure and Pain...

Not too sure if you noticed, but I have been gone for awhile. My mom had a horrible health scare, and for unrelated reasons- I fell into a dark corner where I stayed for far too long. I was sad. Very, very sad. It never ceases to amaze me that a nice run of good things must almost always be followed by a slew of shit. I have started taking herbs, since I won't go on anti-depressants, and things are looking up. I can't allow this to happen. My poor husband, how he tried to cheer me up, such a sweet guy. He thinks I should go on the anti-depressants.

I don't want to dwell, I just wanted to share with you why I was gone.

My mom is doing better too.

I want to be chipper.





*the photo above was for a class assignment on depth of field. I missed that class due to temporary insanity. dammit.

That's quite a monkey you've got there....

I got another one today......an email from reunion.com telling me there is somebody searching for me. Well, I caved and joined for like a minute just to see who the hell it was....

I met David the summer before I turned 13. I was living in Brooklyn and extremely popular, he wasn't. But David was nice, and I could tell instantly he had a major crush on me. We became fast friends to the point of crapping with the door open (we were young and careless and perhaps a little twisted). We tried all the 1st's together- first time getting drunk, first time smokin' a doobie, first time cutting out of school. Hell we even stole our parents cars to "cruise" down 86th st. while we sang to the Beastie Boys. We would get money from our parents, then later that night take thier car to Flatbush and buy dime bags of shit weed off of some grimey mother fuckers. Once on a weed run we saw some kids light a bum on fire, we drove around the block twice just to make sure- we thought we were seeing things...we weren't

As we got older, we started to party hard at the Limelight on Wednesday nights, a.k.a. Disco 2000. David would eventually succumb to shooting heroin. He would rob his neighbors and eventually he would rob me. It was sad, his life totally fell apart, and I remember the volcano of a hole in his arm when he nodded off on my couch. A friend of ours was set up and murdered and David fell harder, it was a dear friend of ours, Ray. They had Ray meet them at a park and sliced his throat- then they proceeded to run him over...back and forth. David was no longer the David I knew. He had been jailed and married to drugs. I missed our friendship, in my mind David had died.

Well life has moved on and I am really in a lovely chapter of life. I have found my passion, my partner, and myself. I have left that chapter behind and was lucky enough to never make it past drugs like extacy, qualudes and weed. I will never know for sure why he is trying to contact me, because the David I know died a long time ago.

I hibernate because I am a bipolar bear....

Sometimes I get bummed out BIG time- that's all I want to say about that.

On the bright side of life I am (99%) getting a magazine cover- I must always hedge myself in case they decide against it, this is residual from my Wall St. days. I am happy that it's a bit more mainstream then where I have been published thus far. I have only had my Realdoll photography used in advertising and a local CA porno magazine. Not something you'd put in your portfolio....so needless to say this is a step up and I am rather chipper about that...


I am also going to be lugging one of my dolls to a studio where I will be photographed, photographing it. I will then proceed to drop trou' again for the "Dynamic Duo". I worked with Gen Nishino and Debbee May (modeling for Playboy SE) what now seems like 100 years ago. Well regardless, this shoot will be occuring on Friday, and I can't wait until it's over so I can eat some cookies. I hate starving for a shoot, because I feel more depraived then if I were dieting for no reason at all. It would appear that I have been obsessing over banana pudding with nilla' wafer cookies.....mmm, nilla' wafer cookies......

see what I'm sayin' ?

Saturday we eat like kings, and then go see that movie '300', I am already in love with it for the cinematography alone- pure fucking genius.


The shot above is for the magazine.

The Sow is MINE!!!!!!

Ahh, recognize that line from anywhere?? It's actually from the movie 'The Exorsist'. I used it because according to Chinese horoscope, it is the year of the Pig. Supposedly, this is my year....

Tell me what you think:
No sooner do I toss a dart ay Playboy for losing it's edge, do I receive an email from Debbee M. with the title "You". Much to my suprise they are thinking of putting me in the main issue as Employee of the Month as a photographer. pfftt. of course I said SURE! I sent off about ten photos of me from every concievable angle, and I am waiting to hear back from Debbee. As soon as Chicago makes a decision- I'll know for sure. I could use the exposure as a photographer.

As if that weren't strange enough, I am then contacted THE NEXT DAY- by an editor for Playboy telling me that it's too bad they have plans for Susie DaSilva (read the last post to find out about her) because they would like to use my photo of her guzzling milk in a future issue (see above). In fact he told me that if there is any photo I take that may interest him, to forward it to him, because he is keeping a file on me...I have a file at Playboy??



....I have always said swine is devine

People Are Strange When You're a Stranger....

It's true...and Jim Morrison came up with that long before the internet was around. I shudder to think what he would say about it had he been around for the world wide web. In the last couple of weeks, I have been exposed to the ugly side of the internet- From obsessive models writing me daily to other photographers scamming to meet me- I am more then a little shaken up. I am somewhat of a recluse dispite the fact that I'm married. Ah marriage...*sigh, that's a whole other story...

Well, I started my first photography class and it was wonderful. A few things happened that made everything fall into place...I was on a waiting list for a night class- due to a high demand they added one. This was a good thing for me for two reasons, first the teacher is a female- I can't pull any bullshit with a woman, which is what I did to male teachers my entire scholastic career. Secondly the class I was originally signed up for, was being taught by a photographer who does portraits. Not the cool interesting kind, but the plain graduation type headshots. The class I wound up in is far better suited for me because the teacher was a painter (so am I) and is heavy on the artistic side of photography. THIS is what a self proclaimed 'Glamour" photographer needs to break the monotony....

unrelated:
So awhile back I received a message from a beautiful model who said she wanted to shoot with me. I was enamoured with her face the moment I layed eyes on it. When I asked her what style she was interested in- she said 'Ellen Von Unwerth'. Now. if you have ever seen my portfolio, then you know- I (nor anybody else for that matter) am no Ellen Von Unwerth. I took this to mean that she in fact was NOT interested in working with me. So I let our correspondance slowly drift off of the main page and outta' site. Thing is- I can't stop thinking about how much I want to shoot with her. I'd love to give black and whites a fair shot. Besides I still adore her face!!! I am all wierd about contacting her now, but I feel it rearing itself and know that I'll write her soon. I'll bet she never responds...I can't say I blame her.

Well, I have many shoots lined up and all with STUNNING models!!! The first shoot is most important to me, because it is with Susie Da Silva. She is the first realgirl I photographed (as opposed to the dolls) so our first shoot together was sub-par to both of our current work. She is beautiful and just as sweet. I actually made an introduction between her and Playboy...and needless to say she will be in Aprils issue. I really hope she becomes a Playmate- she is certainly pretty enough.

I used to want to shoot for Playboy, but I am SO over that too. Outside of pretty lighting- the photos are boring. That's right- I said it...BORING!!!!! Just cheesy poses, of made up girls...I see that every day. Playboy hasn't been that same since Helmut Newton passed away. He was their only contributing photographer that had art coursing through his veins. Besides, the quality of girl they use for the centerfold has slipped to the "Everygirl USA" thing. When I was younger,the Playmates were special. and the way they looked was totally unattainable to us regular folk. If I want to look at a regular girl all I have to do is walk around the city for awhile...they're everywhere. I miss Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy (sp?) types...

I'm going to Miami this Thursday. Woot! I need some sunshine, cuz I'm not getting ANY sex. Apparently I gave it up for marriage...

The love affair is OVER!!!!!!

I am not kidding...I am so over Glamour photography. I want to expand my horizons and be more marketable. There is virtually NOTHING available for the glamour photographer. Not to mention the utter lack of respect photographers of other genres show you. I have been trying my hand at fashion photography for the last week.

shooting, uploading, editing.
shooting, uploading. editing.


All I have managed to learn in the past week, is that I suck at fashion photography. I can't WAIT until class starts. I switched from a morning class to an evening class....it gives the hubby some time to enjoy the homestead with out me. I can see it now...porn, wine, porn and wet towels everywhere. Did I mention the porn?


I am off to see 'Smoking Aces' starring Jeremy Piven. God Jeremy Piven is DELICIOUS. I really hope the movie isn't a disappointment, so many have been in the past few years. Oh James Graham is due to write his top 10 of 2006 (music), I only have one:

System of a Down


bye for now.....

"Worship me bitch"

That's what my cat Mikey would probably say if he could speak. Luckily he can't, so I continue to love him. A strange habit of most cats is to sleep under the blanket on the owners bed. Not much oxygen under there but the warmth makes it appealing. I lifted back the covers with a 5 pixel point and shoot in hand (not even white balanced) this...is the result.

hilarious.





Anyway, speaking of worship. My top 10 favorite photographers whos' work, stops me dead in my tracks, should be known. Here is the list in alphabetical order:

~Lisa Boyle
~James Graham
~Markus Klinko
~David LaChapelle
~Lithium Picnic
~Farley Magalia
~Helmut Newton
~Rankin
~Derek Rigers
~Chris Thomson

The shoot for tonight is back on!!!!! YAY!!!! Nipples!!!

Damn it...

This is Pearl Nalani from Mondays shoot...she is beautiful. Did I mention she's gonna' sniff an onion for me? What a sport.

Pearl aside-
The weather has caused my Friday shoot to be postphoned...that sucks. The model is stuck somewhere in middle America, unable to catch a flight to NY.I was looking forward to shooting. Now I'll have to wait until Monday to shoot again, only it won't be the same model who postphoned...

Monday will be Crissy, a.k.a. Crystal Cadence. I adore Crissy- originally from London, she knows how to model. Which is priceless. One evening before New Years Eve. (the one that just passed) I was returning from a shopping trip at B&H. I had a strobe light, an umbrella, a cheap light stand, and a HEAVY DUTY light stand. Needless to say I was trying to hail a cab. One. Two. Three empty cabs later, I realized I was hollering profanities outloud. Fuck, dick, asshole...you know, all the good ones...When a beautiful girl said to me as she passed by, "I hope you get that cab", and much to my suprise- it was Crissy. I must have seemed IN-FUCKING-SANE. Seriously, think about it. Me- on 8th Ave., cursing at cabs while they pass me up!!! If this is indicative of my senior years- I'm scared.

I would be lying if I didn't give credit to James Graham, who posed me nekkid w/ my camera first...but it got me to thinking- My camera is my phantom cock and I took this shot to prove it...Censored by marriage.

STOP THE PRESS!!!!!

I need a moment to compartmentalize...

Seriously, so much is running through my head lately. The ideas are flowing like wine at a dinner with my extended family. So many ideas to shoot...I need more models. edgier ones. one's not affraid to show a little nipple.

I don't know who, but somebody is going to sniff an onion, and I'm gonna shoot it.

All of these creative ideas, and not one will be used with Pearl tomorrow. She is a gorgeous girl who had a full page spread in FHM...so I am excited to say the least. Just glamour shit though, more of the same. I want to add some edge to my glamour. Well she and the make up artist will be here @ 5:30pm (it's 2:21 am)

I wonder if she'll sniff an onion for me?

ok...so I don't completely suck ass...

After a considerable amount of time procrastinating...this past Friday, I finally went to ICP (International Center for Photography). As it stands I am technically retarded. This doesn't mean I don't know anything, but some of the basics elude me. It's true, I get by on the fly. I have great equipment and I am pretty good at lighting. My framing is good sometimes, and my vision is decent enough...but will that get me the results I would be happy with??? Hell fucking NO!! I really want this. I love taking pics, period. Back on subject: ICP, the class I wanted to take required a couple of prequisite classes.



Yuck. I have never in my 35 years liked school. I am the type of jerk, that halfway through the semester I get bored and think I already know as much as the professor. Of course I never do! But that doesn't stop the big ugly ego. Anywhoo, I didn't want to take those damn classes so I went for a portfolio review. And much to my pleasant suprise, I was admitted and told I am good but may want to refine my lighting!!! Woo fucking hoo- I totally agree...that's why I want the stupid class. I danced in the street today. I am happy because I am determined, and I am on the right track.



I am buying a mac tomorrow. I can't be a pro on this piece of crapola.



I saw some of the James "Genius" Graham, photos of me...and they are smokin' hot. They remind me of the Madonna pics from back when, only James' shadows are as smooth as butter. The old Madonna pic shadows are not. I am looking forward to shooting again.



Well, tomorrow after I buy my mac, we (my husband and I) are going to a hip hop dance class for the first time. I need to get my body looking better. It's still too...I dunno- but I need some physical activity. I hope we are not the only 30 somethings in there. We'll look like complete fools. It'll be fun either way.



While I have nothing against the actual act of "Sucking Ass" per se...I am certainly glad my photographic skills do not. Although, this photo would have you thinking otherwise. I had to post it somewhere. It was better in theory...perhaps someday I will find brazen models to do it for real.

Looking down the Glass of a Genius...

I finally got to play with my new camera, but it was spent on a Realdoll photoshoot. It was an ode to James Graham, it's one of a few ideas I got from working with James. He is a mad scientist when he shoots and I thought it was wonderful to watch. The better idea that came to me after the shoot, will require both of my dolls to get in front of the camera. That is such a workout that it'll be a couple of weeks before that happens...

I am really looking forward to my two shoots scheduled for next week. One model was in Maxim and the other looks like a hot Samantha Fox from back in the day. Good stuff should result from them both. The latter of the two will be doing my "Vinny the Ginny" idea for me...I hope she can handle it.

let the games begin...

This could be a HUGE mistake...

This blog might prove the obvious...I am friggin' weird. But that's cool with me because I don't know any other way.

I want to be a better photographer. So much so, it consumes me. I was scared of people seeing my paintings...they range from pure fluffy shit, to dark places in my mind. I had to explain a painting and it's meaning to my mother in law once...how icky.That's all it took- I put the brushes down leaving several paintings unfinished...sad really because I don't miss it at all. I wonder what would happen if I tried right now to finish them. I'll bet I couldn't. I am completely outta' the zone.

I am, however in the creative zone for photography. I posed for a fantastic photographer named James Graham (his blog is my favorite because I admire him and his skills), and came up with a very cool idea for a shoot with my Realdolls.

did I mention I have Realdolls?

oh...
well I do.


done for now.