Sometimes it's My Life I Can't Taste.......

Did you ever find yourself just existing? Not in a bad mood, not in a good mood....just there. I sorta' have been living this way for the last couple of weeks. I am not sure why, but shooting the dolls only- is not helping any. I have been putting together a mock-up of the photo book I'm working on. It's a smaller incomplete version of what I envision. I will use this 8"x12" mock-up to pitch to some publishers...we'll see how all that turns out.

Well, one way to reignite the lost spark, was to book some photoshoots with living breathing models. So I trolled around MM (a model/photographer networking site) and found some beautiful girls to shoot. The end of the week brings the biggest challange for me. I have almost always shot in a controlled environment- not suprising, since I am a Virgo. But this time I will be on the roof of my building, with the empire state building as the backround (I live eight blocks away). The dilemma is twofold:

1) Do I ask permission of my building and risk them forbidding me? or shoot gonzo style and risk Muffy, Buffy and all the Park Ave princesses being offended???

2) ring light or strobe.

There will be two people in the photo...a blurry man in the foreground, camera right, and a HOT girl with nipple pasties and a thong, 5' away from the man. I dont want the man lit as much as the woman, and I don't have an assistant- and therein lies the problem.

Well the shoot is on Saturday @ 6:30 pm, so that gives me some time to work out the kinks.



did someone say kinks?








The photo is a shitty old shot of the dolls in a series called "Taylor Welcomes Tabitha"
The title is from a Korn song entitled 'Freak on a Leash'

Ring Around The Rosie...

If my lens was named Rosie.

So I have had in my posession, the LaChapelle book since Friday. This has given me enough time to look at roughly half the book (it's friggin' HUGE). One thing I notice photo after photo, is LaChapelle loves himself a ring light. I have heard enough about their even lighting to want to check one out myself...so I rented one from Alkit Camera. It works better with LaChapelles style, I find the lighting too flat for my personal taste. The following photo is an example....







I start my second class @ ICP this week and I am super excited!!!! Look out world- a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

9/11 + 365 = 2272

A series of events following 9/11 brought me and my husband together. We didn't know eachother that day, but true love would be found because of it...

I was involved with a guy who wanted to change everything about me, we'll call him Dr. Dick (because he was a cardiologist). It was the day after my 30th birthday and I was down in the dumps. It was early and Dr. Dick called to see if I was feeling better and if I enjoyed spending my 30th at home sulking. I was NOT feeling better and just wanted to get the hell off the phone and have a pitty party for myself, so we hung up.

and there it was.

right in view out of my living room window.

the first tower was hit...I ran and grabbed my film camera with a 200mm lens and I began snapping away. How would they put the fire out? Was my first thought, and then the second tower. I caught the whole thing on film, I was crying and snapping, roll after roll...

after a week in front of the television, not eating, smoking waaaayyyyy too much- just crying in a deep depression. With the average age of the victims of September 11th being 32 years old, I realized life is too short to be unhappy. So I dumped Dr. Dick. How could I be with a man who hates everything about me? I am not a blue blood, I am not a W.A.S.P., I am a true Ginny from Brooklyn, NY. Deal with it.

So there we were, a year later in a Starbucks. Both single and both Wall Street suits. Our eyes locked and that was it. We talked a little bit each time we saw eachother and finally sat down one day to talk over a caramel macchiato. And we fell in love, right then and there. After a long engagement, we finally got married last year on April 13th in City Hall. Yep, I said it- City Hall. I fucking hate weddings.

But I love him.

And this Friday we were together officially for one year. The hallmark suggestion for a one year anniversary gift is paper, boring ass paper. But he one upped me with his creativity and bought me what I have drooled over for some time now...




That's alot of paper.

Bokeh....

This is NOT.

What it is...is "undesirable bokeh", because the foreground is also out of focus. I kinda' like it though because I dodged and burned to give her as much life as possible, I think I had some level of success. Rare is the photo of a realdoll with soulful eyes...ok, not so much rare as never...

But sometimes I swear I feel them looking back at me.

I'm All That and a Dime Sack...

Where the paper at?

Ok, put aside the improper english- I couldn't have said it better myself. That is a line from a song called 'Gimmie the Loot' from the uber talented (and sadly deceased) Notorious B.I.G.. I was, and I suppose still am, a HUGE fan.

During a wonderful lunch with the genius photographer James Graham, I learned a fact that I had long suspected....
We artists' will sell our soul, for some recognition. Sad really, if you ask me. I was not paid for 'Lifelounge' magazine, and I later found out that JMGenius, along with countless other amazing talent have also given up rights, and allowed their art to printed for gratis as well. Where did we all go wrong?

oh well.

Not on this one...

I am going to dive back into shooting again after having gone on hiatus for awhile (due to my mothers health and the sublime sadness). Slowly but surely I'm getting my photos in order for a mock up of a book I am working on. It is what else...but a book of Realdoll photography. I have been struggling with whether or not I should include some of my sub-par earlier works? Not many mind you, but as time goes by, the dolls lose their ability to pose as well as they can when they are brand new. Some of the earlier poses can't be replicated because of "loose joints", as we Realdoll folk' call it. I have officially set a deadline for myself- 30 new doll photos by May 1st. It sounds easier then it is, photographing Realdolls is not NEARLY the simple task some people may think.

Trust me on that one.




The above photo is my first cover, photo courtesy of Lifelounge.com. My copies should be arriving this week!!! I can't wait to see the inside.

Good vs. Bad

First off a joke that I stumbled across today...

What's the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???


Well it made me chuckle. Men- be thankful you have a coin purse and not a set of ovaries because PMS sucks. The other night on an impromptu run to Duane Reade- I was lucky, and timed it just as the the circus began the annual ritual of marching the animals across 34th street. When I got to the corner, the elephants were making their way past 3rd Ave and I began balling!!! Just crying for no other reason then having elephants before my eyes. Now if that isn't bananas, I don't know what is!!! Crying over elephants- can you believe it??





to confirm my suspicions that with the good comes the bad:

The good: Indeed, I did get my first magazine cover (Lifelounge)

The bad: PMS gave me pimples on top of my wrinkles!!!!




I have totally lost it.

It's a Fine Line Between Pleasure and Pain...

Not too sure if you noticed, but I have been gone for awhile. My mom had a horrible health scare, and for unrelated reasons- I fell into a dark corner where I stayed for far too long. I was sad. Very, very sad. It never ceases to amaze me that a nice run of good things must almost always be followed by a slew of shit. I have started taking herbs, since I won't go on anti-depressants, and things are looking up. I can't allow this to happen. My poor husband, how he tried to cheer me up, such a sweet guy. He thinks I should go on the anti-depressants.

I don't want to dwell, I just wanted to share with you why I was gone.

My mom is doing better too.

I want to be chipper.





*the photo above was for a class assignment on depth of field. I missed that class due to temporary insanity. dammit.

That's quite a monkey you've got there....

I got another one today......an email from reunion.com telling me there is somebody searching for me. Well, I caved and joined for like a minute just to see who the hell it was....

I met David the summer before I turned 13. I was living in Brooklyn and extremely popular, he wasn't. But David was nice, and I could tell instantly he had a major crush on me. We became fast friends to the point of crapping with the door open (we were young and careless and perhaps a little twisted). We tried all the 1st's together- first time getting drunk, first time smokin' a doobie, first time cutting out of school. Hell we even stole our parents cars to "cruise" down 86th st. while we sang to the Beastie Boys. We would get money from our parents, then later that night take thier car to Flatbush and buy dime bags of shit weed off of some grimey mother fuckers. Once on a weed run we saw some kids light a bum on fire, we drove around the block twice just to make sure- we thought we were seeing things...we weren't

As we got older, we started to party hard at the Limelight on Wednesday nights, a.k.a. Disco 2000. David would eventually succumb to shooting heroin. He would rob his neighbors and eventually he would rob me. It was sad, his life totally fell apart, and I remember the volcano of a hole in his arm when he nodded off on my couch. A friend of ours was set up and murdered and David fell harder, it was a dear friend of ours, Ray. They had Ray meet them at a park and sliced his throat- then they proceeded to run him over...back and forth. David was no longer the David I knew. He had been jailed and married to drugs. I missed our friendship, in my mind David had died.

Well life has moved on and I am really in a lovely chapter of life. I have found my passion, my partner, and myself. I have left that chapter behind and was lucky enough to never make it past drugs like extacy, qualudes and weed. I will never know for sure why he is trying to contact me, because the David I know died a long time ago.

I hibernate because I am a bipolar bear....

Sometimes I get bummed out BIG time- that's all I want to say about that.

On the bright side of life I am (99%) getting a magazine cover- I must always hedge myself in case they decide against it, this is residual from my Wall St. days. I am happy that it's a bit more mainstream then where I have been published thus far. I have only had my Realdoll photography used in advertising and a local CA porno magazine. Not something you'd put in your portfolio....so needless to say this is a step up and I am rather chipper about that...


I am also going to be lugging one of my dolls to a studio where I will be photographed, photographing it. I will then proceed to drop trou' again for the "Dynamic Duo". I worked with Gen Nishino and Debbee May (modeling for Playboy SE) what now seems like 100 years ago. Well regardless, this shoot will be occuring on Friday, and I can't wait until it's over so I can eat some cookies. I hate starving for a shoot, because I feel more depraived then if I were dieting for no reason at all. It would appear that I have been obsessing over banana pudding with nilla' wafer cookies.....mmm, nilla' wafer cookies......

see what I'm sayin' ?

Saturday we eat like kings, and then go see that movie '300', I am already in love with it for the cinematography alone- pure fucking genius.


The shot above is for the magazine.

The Sow is MINE!!!!!!

Ahh, recognize that line from anywhere?? It's actually from the movie 'The Exorsist'. I used it because according to Chinese horoscope, it is the year of the Pig. Supposedly, this is my year....

Tell me what you think:
No sooner do I toss a dart ay Playboy for losing it's edge, do I receive an email from Debbee M. with the title "You". Much to my suprise they are thinking of putting me in the main issue as Employee of the Month as a photographer. pfftt. of course I said SURE! I sent off about ten photos of me from every concievable angle, and I am waiting to hear back from Debbee. As soon as Chicago makes a decision- I'll know for sure. I could use the exposure as a photographer.

As if that weren't strange enough, I am then contacted THE NEXT DAY- by an editor for Playboy telling me that it's too bad they have plans for Susie DaSilva (read the last post to find out about her) because they would like to use my photo of her guzzling milk in a future issue (see above). In fact he told me that if there is any photo I take that may interest him, to forward it to him, because he is keeping a file on me...I have a file at Playboy??



....I have always said swine is devine

People Are Strange When You're a Stranger....

It's true...and Jim Morrison came up with that long before the internet was around. I shudder to think what he would say about it had he been around for the world wide web. In the last couple of weeks, I have been exposed to the ugly side of the internet- From obsessive models writing me daily to other photographers scamming to meet me- I am more then a little shaken up. I am somewhat of a recluse dispite the fact that I'm married. Ah marriage...*sigh, that's a whole other story...

Well, I started my first photography class and it was wonderful. A few things happened that made everything fall into place...I was on a waiting list for a night class- due to a high demand they added one. This was a good thing for me for two reasons, first the teacher is a female- I can't pull any bullshit with a woman, which is what I did to male teachers my entire scholastic career. Secondly the class I was originally signed up for, was being taught by a photographer who does portraits. Not the cool interesting kind, but the plain graduation type headshots. The class I wound up in is far better suited for me because the teacher was a painter (so am I) and is heavy on the artistic side of photography. THIS is what a self proclaimed 'Glamour" photographer needs to break the monotony....

unrelated:
So awhile back I received a message from a beautiful model who said she wanted to shoot with me. I was enamoured with her face the moment I layed eyes on it. When I asked her what style she was interested in- she said 'Ellen Von Unwerth'. Now. if you have ever seen my portfolio, then you know- I (nor anybody else for that matter) am no Ellen Von Unwerth. I took this to mean that she in fact was NOT interested in working with me. So I let our correspondance slowly drift off of the main page and outta' site. Thing is- I can't stop thinking about how much I want to shoot with her. I'd love to give black and whites a fair shot. Besides I still adore her face!!! I am all wierd about contacting her now, but I feel it rearing itself and know that I'll write her soon. I'll bet she never responds...I can't say I blame her.

Well, I have many shoots lined up and all with STUNNING models!!! The first shoot is most important to me, because it is with Susie Da Silva. She is the first realgirl I photographed (as opposed to the dolls) so our first shoot together was sub-par to both of our current work. She is beautiful and just as sweet. I actually made an introduction between her and Playboy...and needless to say she will be in Aprils issue. I really hope she becomes a Playmate- she is certainly pretty enough.

I used to want to shoot for Playboy, but I am SO over that too. Outside of pretty lighting- the photos are boring. That's right- I said it...BORING!!!!! Just cheesy poses, of made up girls...I see that every day. Playboy hasn't been that same since Helmut Newton passed away. He was their only contributing photographer that had art coursing through his veins. Besides, the quality of girl they use for the centerfold has slipped to the "Everygirl USA" thing. When I was younger,the Playmates were special. and the way they looked was totally unattainable to us regular folk. If I want to look at a regular girl all I have to do is walk around the city for awhile...they're everywhere. I miss Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy (sp?) types...

I'm going to Miami this Thursday. Woot! I need some sunshine, cuz I'm not getting ANY sex. Apparently I gave it up for marriage...

The love affair is OVER!!!!!!

I am not kidding...I am so over Glamour photography. I want to expand my horizons and be more marketable. There is virtually NOTHING available for the glamour photographer. Not to mention the utter lack of respect photographers of other genres show you. I have been trying my hand at fashion photography for the last week.

shooting, uploading, editing.
shooting, uploading. editing.


All I have managed to learn in the past week, is that I suck at fashion photography. I can't WAIT until class starts. I switched from a morning class to an evening class....it gives the hubby some time to enjoy the homestead with out me. I can see it now...porn, wine, porn and wet towels everywhere. Did I mention the porn?


I am off to see 'Smoking Aces' starring Jeremy Piven. God Jeremy Piven is DELICIOUS. I really hope the movie isn't a disappointment, so many have been in the past few years. Oh James Graham is due to write his top 10 of 2006 (music), I only have one:

System of a Down


bye for now.....

"Worship me bitch"

That's what my cat Mikey would probably say if he could speak. Luckily he can't, so I continue to love him. A strange habit of most cats is to sleep under the blanket on the owners bed. Not much oxygen under there but the warmth makes it appealing. I lifted back the covers with a 5 pixel point and shoot in hand (not even white balanced) this...is the result.

hilarious.





Anyway, speaking of worship. My top 10 favorite photographers whos' work, stops me dead in my tracks, should be known. Here is the list in alphabetical order:

~Lisa Boyle
~James Graham
~Markus Klinko
~David LaChapelle
~Lithium Picnic
~Farley Magalia
~Helmut Newton
~Rankin
~Derek Rigers
~Chris Thomson

The shoot for tonight is back on!!!!! YAY!!!! Nipples!!!

Damn it...

This is Pearl Nalani from Mondays shoot...she is beautiful. Did I mention she's gonna' sniff an onion for me? What a sport.

Pearl aside-
The weather has caused my Friday shoot to be postphoned...that sucks. The model is stuck somewhere in middle America, unable to catch a flight to NY.I was looking forward to shooting. Now I'll have to wait until Monday to shoot again, only it won't be the same model who postphoned...

Monday will be Crissy, a.k.a. Crystal Cadence. I adore Crissy- originally from London, she knows how to model. Which is priceless. One evening before New Years Eve. (the one that just passed) I was returning from a shopping trip at B&H. I had a strobe light, an umbrella, a cheap light stand, and a HEAVY DUTY light stand. Needless to say I was trying to hail a cab. One. Two. Three empty cabs later, I realized I was hollering profanities outloud. Fuck, dick, asshole...you know, all the good ones...When a beautiful girl said to me as she passed by, "I hope you get that cab", and much to my suprise- it was Crissy. I must have seemed IN-FUCKING-SANE. Seriously, think about it. Me- on 8th Ave., cursing at cabs while they pass me up!!! If this is indicative of my senior years- I'm scared.

I would be lying if I didn't give credit to James Graham, who posed me nekkid w/ my camera first...but it got me to thinking- My camera is my phantom cock and I took this shot to prove it...Censored by marriage.

STOP THE PRESS!!!!!

I need a moment to compartmentalize...

Seriously, so much is running through my head lately. The ideas are flowing like wine at a dinner with my extended family. So many ideas to shoot...I need more models. edgier ones. one's not affraid to show a little nipple.

I don't know who, but somebody is going to sniff an onion, and I'm gonna shoot it.

All of these creative ideas, and not one will be used with Pearl tomorrow. She is a gorgeous girl who had a full page spread in FHM...so I am excited to say the least. Just glamour shit though, more of the same. I want to add some edge to my glamour. Well she and the make up artist will be here @ 5:30pm (it's 2:21 am)

I wonder if she'll sniff an onion for me?