To Whom it May Concern........

"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying-
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying."

-Dorothy Parker



*The above photo is of me, shot by the brilliant Gary Breckheimer

California......

Is where I'll be for the next five days. Shooting fodder for a website I adore. I'll be in a doll lovers paradise. You can just smell the silicone, can't you?


I can.

? and !

Well, I am not suprised. Geraldo cancelled. Supposedly it was in favour of the California wildfires. I can't say I blame him.....although the cynic in me believes it's because they couldn't get an owner who has a relationship with their doll.

I really wonder?

Let me take a poll.....

Do you think it was the former or latter of the two reasons?


I vote the latter- but we've established that I am a cynical cunt.

pun:

Freak on a Leash....

yep.



I have been retreating into myself lately, shooting my two newest Realdoll faces. There's face 15, which I have named Jaime and face 16, I now call Ashley. I hate when I get stuck in a 'bout with depression....but those new doll faces sure did make it pass quickly!

So tomorrow at the crack of dawn i am to be photographed by the uber talented artist Gary Breckheimer. If you aren't familiar with his art- he photographs nudes in public. Generally wacky and always brilliant...I was FIENDING to be a subject for him! Well tomorrow is my opportunity to stand naked, in public, in New York City!!! WOOO fuckin' HOOO!!!!!!! Scary and exciting all at once.

While I was walking back from Soho last night, I got a call from Abyss (in case you have a shit memory: Abyss makes the Realdoll...duh) about the Geraldo Rivera Show on Fox News. It seems that because of the movie, 'Lars and the Real Girl' Geraldo feels the need to investigate the relationship between dolls and their owners. I am almost certain he will try to put a sensational spin on the discussion, but I am nothing like Lars. In fact- not one doll owner that I know of, actually believes their doll to be real- the men who do have relationships with their dolls would NEVER go on the Geraldo show. I don't blame them- they are constantly ridiculed. It's live, I'm a little worried about the outcome- but....

Whatever.

I'm doing it. Not for self promotion, but because I genuinely adore dolls!


Always have, always will.




The above photo is the stunning Nerlande and her fabulous nipple, check out her blog- the link is to the right. The title is a song from Korn.

Quoted by the Associated Press......

'LARS' movie shines light on RealDolls



By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer
Thu Oct 18, 8:02 AM ET




SAN MARCOS, Calif. - A dozen headless female bodies hang from industrial metal hooks in the center of the room. To the left are a table of plastic faces, awaiting makeup. To the right, a stack of silicone molds ready for the next order of life-sized love toys.

Normally reserved for private play, these high-end, anatomically correct dolls are getting big-screen exposure with the recent release of "Lars and the Real Girl," an offbeat, surprisingly chaste comedy about a lonely introvert (Ryan Gosling) and Bianca, the silicone object of his affection.

Bianca, a freckle-nosed brunette, was born just east of San Diego at Abyss Creations. The 11-year-old company that makes RealDolls will ship 400 dolls to the U.S. and abroad this year — at upward of $6,500 each.

RealDolls can be actresses, lovers, photo subjects or companions. Customers can choose from 10 body types, 16 faces and 17 hairstyles to create their dream girl. They specify skin tone, hair and eye color, makeup palette and nail-polish shade. The dolls have interchangeable faces ($500 each), so with the pull of some Velcro and the flip of a wig, she's like a whole new gal.

They're made from soft silicone that takes two days to cure to a somewhat flesh-like feel. With jointed skeletons they're entirely poseable — "They move in the same places people move," company spokeswoman Bronwen Keller says — but they can't stand up on their own. They range in height from 4'10" to 5'7" and weigh 75 to 115 pounds. There is also a male doll, "Charlie," who stands 5'8" and weighs 130 pounds.

The artists who spend about 80 hours crafting each doll all started out in the Halloween industry, says creative director and chief executive officer Matt Krivicke, 36. Before working with RealDoll, he made Halloween masks. (O.J. Simpson was his most popular.)

For many doll owners, and for Gosling's character in the film, the dolls are more like companions, each with her own personality and presence.

"She looks like a person," says Rob McKay, 55, a writer who owns two dolls, Lily and Eden. "Even though she's not a breathing person, psychologically you feel like someone is with you. They're like a balm for loneliness or aloneness."

McKay and other doll owners, who share their stories and photos online at DollForum.com, compare the life-size ladies to "teddy bears for adults."

"That's where she's done the most good, reducing the feeling of solitude," McKay says, adding that he prefers intimacy with a live partner but hasn't had a girlfriend since 2001. "Just having her there to hug or just to have somebody close by, even though it's not, obviously, a warm body."

A member of DollForum.com who goes by the name Doll Luvr says his doll "is far more than just an expensive sex toy."

"She sleeps with me, watches TV with me, sits at the table and has coffee with me," he writes. "Just having a female shape laying next to me in bed is very comforting."

Gosling's character gets emotional, but never physical, with Bianca. But whereas Lars is delusional and believes the doll is alive, most doll owners "know where to draw the line," McKay says.

The dolls "inspire imagination," he says. "You put what you think into the doll, so you're projecting part of yourself onto this inanimate creature and making her seem more lifelike."

Stacy Leigh, 36, a married photographer who lives in New York, uses her two RealDolls as photo subjects. Both are petite and "could fit in all my clothing, same shoe size and everything," she says, noting that one doll has a more curvaceous figure. ("The one with the big boobs is the sluttier of the two," she says.) Leigh owns six faces and more than 30 wigs and divides her time between shooting real models and shooting the dolls. She staunchly defends her fellow doll owners.


"Most guys just need it because they just want to feel somebody in the bed next to them, even though it's not a real person," she says. "I feel bad for those guys."

Doll owners tend to be "older men with disposable income," Keller says, adding that the dolls are also popular with couples and artists. RealDolls have been used in movies, music videos and by a forensic studies program as models in sex-crime scenarios, Keller says.

Chicago-based artist Amber Hawk Swanson had a doll made in her exact likeness as part of a multimedia art project. The 27-year-old says she didn't anticipate the relationship she would form with Amber Doll.

During the nine months it took for her doll to arrive, "I really did picture her as real," Swanson says. "Not that I imagined her walking around my house, but I just couldn't wait. I just imagined cuddling up with her."

Swanson is continuing her art project, but she now has a live romantic partner who's "thankful that I've moved past the time when I pictured my life with this doll and not with a human."

She says doll owners can identify with "Lars and the Real Girl," which she describes as "a movie starring a RealDoll that's true to the way many people interact with their dolls: in a partnership way."

Marriage Sucks.

Sometimes.

Back in the day........

I used to be a club kid....not the baggy jean, whistle blowing annoyances that you're thinking of. My generation of club goers' were employed by Micheal Alig. Micheal was a purveyor of good times. The man threw THE most amazing parties EVER!!!! Disco 2000 was on Wednesday nights and anybody who mattered was there. Hell, I even danced in a cage with Amanda Lapore (who was nice to me, until a guy she liked was more interested in me then her). I remember the drugs the dancing and the good times...eventually the good times would come to a screetching halt.

We all knew that Micheal Alig murdered Angel. Every Disco 2000 regular was fully aware of the altercation that led to the demise, of a dirty wing wearing club kid. Micheal went from decorating the club with feathers and glitter to using cow parts purchased from a local butcher and dumping tons of ketchup on them, reminicant of a disco house of horrors. I remember one time I was tripping on E and the smell of ketchup mixing with rotting meat was making me want to vomit, so I went to the VIP called "Shampoo".

Once past the velvet rope being manned by Aphrodita ( A hot European chick, who mouth raped me once!) I noticed a group of my friends dancing to the groovy 80's tunes. I went over and together we formed a happy drugged circle of freaks. We danced and laughed and danced some more. Another friend came over with a joint laced with PCP, that my friend Ray had taken a HUGE drag of. Two songs later Ray went wild in the eyes- and I saw it. I was scared, so I grabbed my best friend David and began to leave. No sooner then we start backing away, Ray grabbed each girl on either side of him by the hair and yanked them straight down with every ounce of strength he had. they screamed like I never heard a human scream before. And there was Ray standing there still dancing with his legs but wild eyed, white knuckling the girls hair with clumps of bloody flesh at the ends. Before we could grab the girls- security encircled Ray and beat him up all the way outside, where they left him battered, bloody and high.

It was a bad night.

A few years later Ray would knowingly fuck a gangsters wife. They would have the wife call Ray, to meet her at Marine Park in Brooklyn in the parking lot. The passenger jumped out of the van and sliced Rays throat nearly decapitating him, then they ran him over once in drive and once in reverse. I felt very badly for the son he left behind, and I cried because Ray never did anything wrong to me...but I knew the world was a safer place without him.


The above photo is me on my second birthday September 10, 1973.....back in the day.

Fucking Jets......

J•E•T•S•, jets, jets, JETS!!!!!

I know, I know....they suck. I have heard it my whole life from every damn forsaken Giant fan. With my dad being a season ticket holder most of my life, I had no choice. He spoon fed me the New York Jets since day one, and if you cut me- I swear I bleed green. I think being a Jet fan is a true testament to my loyalty and patience, because each year without a super bowl ring I can feel a little piece of me die.

There was something markedly different this year- they added cheerleaders!!!!! Hot damn! My hubby and I have been bitching about it for a few years now...and *presto*. The New York Jets "Flight Crew" is now a sexy reality. Their routines are more stripper then cheerleader...but who's complaining, they are HOT! After the game this weekend I checked the NYJets website and perused the "Flight Crew" gallery, and what I saw was sinful!!!!!! Poorly lit, unflattering, shitty photos.


So as with Howard Stern (hopefully with better results though), I got a hair in my ass to write the NYJets and tell them how they need to hire me for cost. I'll keep you posted on how it turns out. They'll probably think I'm a crazed fan!



For the next few weeks I will be around more often...alot of cool things are going on behind the scenes that I want to share- but I don't want to jinx it.


I love big boobs....

happy fucking birthday....

yep.


It's official...


I am far closer to 40 then I am to 30 and THAT just plain stinks. In fact recently (as a birthday gift from my body) my knees began to hurt, I shit you not. Pass 35, and get your first "pings". Pass 45 and suddenly the "pangs" kick in.

The day after my birthday is the anniversary of the worst day in American history on our own soil. So I apologize for sounding like a vain self centered asshole about getting older. Life is fragile.



*the above photo was taken on the last day of me being 35. Cry me a river.

T minus 25......

days and counting, until my 36th birthday.

That fucking SUCKS. But I still look pretty darn good!







So I have been feverishly working on the book, and am nearing completion. I have added some really naughty stuff as well as some Realgirls posing with the Realdolls. I'm looking forward to finishing it, and at the same time I am sad. I am sad because I have made a decision to sell the big boobed doll upon completion. There are many reasons (heavy) but the most important one, is that her leg is broken (at the hip), and I just don't want to cut her open and fix her. It's too hard and I am terrible at performing doll surgery. I tried to fix Taylors vaginal tear (Taylor is the small boobed doll- my favorite) and ended up butchering her so much so- that her vaginal modeling days are OVER!!! Someday I will give it another go, but In the meantime it doesn't matter- because I have plenty of photos of her crotch before I pulled a Dr. Frankenstein.

So let's discuss Howard Stern, because I know you are probably wondering what happened with that. As I suspected- they declined because I don't have a relationship with the dolls and I don't fuck them. I admitted (to Will the segment producer) to getting horny when I photograph them, but why would I tell him details. He's not Howard Stern. Anywhoo, the day after Will emailed me to decline, they had some pig on the show who puts a dildo in her ass and you play ring toss with her....gross. And it's shit like that, that's killing his career and in turn Sirius stock price. I swear I would short Sirius stock if it wasn't already a penny stock.


All we can do is watch Howards career circle the drain...


Don't be sad for me- trust me it's his loss (I was going to bring two HOT 20 something year old models with me who would've taken off their tops! I told Will, but that wasn't enough). In liu of the HS rejection, I was invited to participate in "Harvest 07". Harvest is an 'R' rated erotica art show, that takes place this October in Atlanta....I am very excited!!!! I will be in good company with some amazing talent- namely Aaron Hawks. The man is a fucking genius, so creative and just amazing. I can't wait to meet him!!! In fact, I may purchase one of his prints. Really sexy stuff.



Well, I am off to search the NYTimes real estate section, our lease is up soon and I want a big ass loft dammit!!!


I don't have much else to say...

Howard Stern

is funny guy.

But I kinda doubt they'll have me on the show. After a quick conversation with 'Will', I think he was disappointed that I don't bang the dolls silly...lest we forget, I don't have a weenie!!!


This might go nowhere.


Only time will tell. Or is it: Only 'Will' will tell?

we shall see...





the above photo will be uncensored in my book...it's very naughty.

A Total Lapse in Judgement.....

I am dead ass serious. I had a melt down...After receiving a wonderfully glowing email from a well respected photographer (Published in Penthouse and numerous other places/magazines) about how I am on the brink of making it. I wondered how I was going anywhere if I don't do something about it. He mentioned how my Realdoll stuff is a springboard, and BAM!!!!!!!!! I shot off an email to Howard Stern.

Yep.

That's what I said...

Howard frickin' Stern.

Why the fuck did I do that?

I basically wrote and told them how I own two Realdolls and I photograph them. I told them about the book I am working on (of my Realdoll photos) and how I hope to have it published by Tashen. They asked if I could send a picture of me...and I did. Why? I am still not sure. But I did, I sent three pics. And by the morning they had asked for my number, and after 7 hours of pondering, I sent it to them. Why? Why would I do that to myself? Now I am sick to my stomach, but I just may go through with whatever gets thrown my way. Whatever that means, I'll let you know....



Did I mention I told them I would show my boobies?




*sigh* I told you it was a total lapse in judgement....

poignent ramblings......

or not.







I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, but it's less cool then that- really. I fealt as though I had nothing to say, and so why fake it just to keep up the blog.

whelp, I'm back.

Soon after my return from St. Barts, I found out that while my dad was in Italy he fell off of a tiny cliff and broke 5 ribs and punctured a lung. He is nearing 60 and I am just happy he didn't break his neck and die. Needless to say I took a trip to Florida to visit him (he lives out there). He is doing much better and has learned a lesson in the process...I hope.

He was as drunk as a skunk.

Like alot of people in the world, alcoholism runs rampant in my family- which is the reason I hardly EVER drink. I am scared of it and the seductive powers it has over my genetics. That's not to say I don't have an addictive personality...you should see me around cookies- beyond pathetic. My Mom loves her vodka (and gambling) and my dad loves his scotch (and vodka). I love my weed and sweets. Although the sweets are probably a direct result of the weed....

On the photography front- I have been shooting like a mad woman- dolls, girls, girls and dolls. I am thrilled to be doing so, because I love shooting as much as I love the weed and sweets.


Who am I kidding?


I would give up the weed and sweets for photography in a second.


The above photo is Daniela V. who is just fantastic in every sense of the word. She and I get along so well, I'll know her forever....

Saint Barthelemy, the French West Indies.....

I love the French.

The men, the culture, the food......I had a fantastic time in St. Barts and at the same time I learned that I suck at photographing nature!


St. Barts is a beautiful little island and Eden Rock is one of the best places to stay. If you ever have some extra ching to drop on a vacation- GO!!!!! And stay at the Eden Rock. We stayed in the Micheal suite, which had a view over looking the ocean and it's own dipping pool. It was a recipe for love! Lots of naughty, naughty love!!!!! I would be kidding myself if I didn't mention the beautiful British boy, whos family owns the resort. He was about 22 and PERFECT. yummy British boy.......who can be seen starring in my fantasies for the next few weeks!


My favorite photos from the trip have my husband totally naked in them - and I do not have his permission to post those....so these will have to do.