sister do you know my name?

I wonder what ever happened to my step sister Ahni. My mother's second husband, Chuck, had a daughter named Andrea.... but she liked to be called Ahni. Her real name was actually Andrea M. Mark. and her family was from Idaho. Boise to be exact.

Anyway, we were a month apart in age. I was older. Turned out before he met my mother- Ahni's father used to physically abuse her. About four years into their marriage, he began to get increasingly hostile towards my Mom. One day he snapped, and turned a gun on himself and then on my mother. He was a bona fide nut. I called the cops on him (I was in 6th grade and we lived on Long Island). This was the last straw. We were free of him, but not before he tried to beat up my mother.

It backfired.


My mother damn near tore Chuck's eye out! My Mom just about beat the shit out of him!!!! HA! She called a "friend" of hers and he picked us up in his nice mob style sedan (turns out this guy had been courting my Mom for awhile). He took us to Brooklyn bought us some clean clothes and toothbrushes and that was that.


So there you have it, I think about Ahni from time to time and wonder if she is still alive. I've tried to google her name, but nothing comes up. History tells me that people who are totally off the grid- are probably dead. I mean, that's what happened with David and Patty so why would the outcome be any different now?




just wondering and maybe just a little rambling too...



*the above pics are of me and a Realdoll. I photoshopped my wrinkles to make me look a bit younger. I mean, fuck I'm almost 40! getting old has it drawbacks, but I'll take it over the other option. Once again the blog title is a White Stripe's song. I don't know if you noticed, but I do that from time to time.

Rag and Bone

I wish I knew how to embed a link to song into my posts. I keep wanting to add a link when I use a song title, but I am CLUELESS! Anyway, the title of this entry is a song from the White Stripes, listen to it if you can. I love Jack White and anything he does. He is currently filling all five slots in my "free fuck pass list".





more of my fun day spent shooting Victoria...




:)

*the above pic is victoria posing with a couple of BoyToy dolls.

Icky Thump

Shooting some personal work with a friend trumps anything, anytime- any day of the week. This is supposed to be touchy subject matter. Thank you Victoria, for your tremendous effort!






*the above pic is victoria, just wanted to share...

Realdoll Rules!

*the above photos are my generation 2 Realdolls. The male doll is named Devon and the female is Valentina. I love how the new skeleton poses, I hope they work it out so they can make it support the weight of a full size male doll... I would LOVE it!

because some people are stupid...

-A doll company is born.
-They ask us to invest, we decline.
-Instead we buy a doll from them with two heads. ALL for full price, the same as any customer did at the time.
-We were also offered a stand for free. As were the other first 5 customers.
-I receive my 1st doll from said company and take MANY photographs.
-I allow the new doll company to use all of the photos to sell their dolls. For free.
-I am offered a male doll on a discount. I paid $3800 for a $5000 doll, that's a $1200 discount.
-There was no contract for the discount, just a receipt and a cashed personal check.
-I attempt to sell a doll because I HAD to. My husband gave me an ultimatum.
-I chose to sell their doll, because it was THE ONLY doll I payed for. ALL of my other dolls at the time were given to me for free by the manufacturers in exchange for photos to use on their respective websites.
-The doll company sent me a curt email, saying I have damaged their business by trying to sell the doll.
-The second head for the doll arrives MONTHS after the doll itself does. It has ugly 'Groucho Mark' eyebrows, even though I requested it have none. And remember, I paid FULL PRICE.
-Months pass and eventually the email updates on my male doll order cease.
-Almost a year later I recieve a contract written by the CEO, that says for the discounted doll I must:
*Give the doll company 10 different doll photo shoots consisting of 6 to 8 photos each over the next 8 months.
*Or, if I still want the doll I must pay the $1200 difference.
-I accidentally lose the contract/letter written by the CEO of the company while in San Diego shooting for a competitor.
-The male doll is ordered to be discontinued by court order due to the lawsuit.
-Over 1 year later, and I still don't have a doll...
-Or a stand.
-Or my money.






SOME IMPORTANT FACTS:
-I have a rule, free doll= free pics. I generally shoot about 35 photos in varying looks and styles in return for the free doll.
-I have what is known as a "Day Rate". It is my daily pay as a photographer. I charge more than $1000 a day. To offer me a $1200 discount for 80 photos is fucking INSANE. But then so is suing your former employee!!
-When the doll company came to fruition, we were considered friends. But after I put their doll up for sale, they turned on me.

That company is LovableDolls, and they have chosen to sue their former employer Realdoll. They lost all but one count, and that was decided by a jury of their peers. They still use my photos and even put my name on their website so that if you do a google search on me- their website shows up.


I have a load of disdain for them. Really I do. They are very bad people, and I allowed them to use me. Shame on me!



*lesson learned*

the cristi...

She's my favorite model, we work REALLY well together. She so gorgeous it's absurd. These are some of the last shots we did together. I have more plans for her.


always.



*and if it wasn't clear already, the above pics are of the the cristi. complete and utter hotness times two.

holy fu@k!

I had to share this as soon as I saw it, as I am COMPLETELY blown away!!!







Please go google Ron Mueck.


I would add a link here, but I am totally inept. This guy is an amazing artist. I am seriously impressed beyond words.


*the above photos are of Ron Mueck working on one of his amazing sculptures, and the other is of the sculpture in a museum. I lifted these pics off the net and have NO idea who to credit. sorry.


I'm still in awe.

RIP 2006-2010

Today my camera died...


As I began this photo shoot, so began the demise. I will get it fixed, but it's definitely time to upgrade. Now it's imperative! So in honor of the passing, I offer this:



An Ode to my old 5D-
Oh Canon, how I love thee- Every push of the shutter you set me free.
We have shot, many a doll- you even worked after that fall.
I can't express what you mean to me, you've brought out the beauty my eyes doth see!


HA HA! I am officially an asshole.







more:




*the above photos are of my two realdoll 2 body b's. these pictures are just a few frames out of many. when I don't get sex, this is the result. blame or thank the husband, it's all how you view smut I suppose...

I cut like a Buffalo...

Pretty thing, squeezing blood from a stone. You do nothing whore. Why do I like you?

*the above pics are of my Realdoll 2, Kristin

store bought bones...

I.
am.
inspired.







My camera is calling my name.




*the above photos are of Val and she is AMAZING! With a new articulated spine and a new posable neck, Realdoll has outdone themselves!

overkill...

As an artist, you have to learn to differentiate between good advice and just plain overkill.


Recently I have asked some well known photographers what they think of my doll work. I was told by one person that I should leave in the chains and stands that aid in posing the dolls (I discarded that advice), and that I should do a lot more photoshop to make them look real (this negates his 1st bit of advice). I was told by another that I need to add motion (which results in a lovely motion blur, THIS is great advice). I was told by another (and this one I had to laugh about) that I have framing problems and I don't know how to use negative space. This from a guy who definitely shouldn't throw stones from his glass house... albeit a lovely house (after all, he IS good). He has some photos with weird cut off limbs and negative space that is filled with blown out highlights. I chose to ignore 95% of his advice. He was conceited and to me the affliction was unfounded. Because I find a lot of his work is utterly and tragically forgettable.

He told me my work was "boring as shit", and that there is none of "me" in my work.

I literally lol'd...


My work reeks of me. I am sometimes vapid and sometimes full of emotion. The gamut of my work reflects that.


He than spent the next 5 minutes tooting his own proverbial horn! He bragged about taking photos as a kid... Really? I mean if that's all it takes to make you special, good! Because I used to shoot my Barbie dolls! Started painting on canvas, sewing clothes for my Barbies and photographing them, all by the tender age of 6!!!! He bragged and bragged about shit that most artists do anyway. *He is NOT special* He simply believes his own hype. And although I found his "critique" gratuitous, self indulgent and just plain inaccurate, I did learn one very valuable lesson...

You have to be convincing in selling your worth as a photographer, or you've got to have delusions of grandeur.


Me, I've got a little of both.



*the above pic is Valentina in some shots from a series that I took for my personal work. There are six other photos in this set. I have pics of her with motion blur actually punching the other doll in the face, but I didn't want to post the whole set here. Recently I have decided to show the Ying to my Yang... and it's ugly.

random thought...

I don't understand how my flickr account has over 24,000 views, when I was banned from their search engine upon joining? How'd that happen? You can search for my flickr account until the end of time, and you will never find it. I thought that being omitted from their search engine was an extreme reaction to my smutty work, but it hasn't stopped people from stumbling upon my stuff. I find that interesting for some reason. I'm sure it's not an interesting point to anybody except me, but who else am I going to mention it to?


Here is a nice commercial shot of the new Realdoll face for their website, she truly is a knockout:






more gratuitous doll photos of my newest hussy, Valentina coming soon...
:)

My Chick Bad...

My Chick good.




My Chick do stuff that your Chick wish she could.


This is Valentina.






She could easily be my Chick... if only she could breathe.









*the above photo is the first photo of the new Realdoll face. I LOVE this face. I can tell we're going to get along, she reminds me of Cassie. Yum Cassie. I have found a muse in this doll so you can expect to see her A LOT in the coming weeks... gotta' go, the camera is calling my name!















Loves.

Consoler of the Lonely...

ha ha <<--- awkward nervous laugh


Just got a call from the UK.


The "story" of my doll habit was read back to me (equipped with an AWESOME British accent... utter hotness). I had a good laugh during the final reading. The article is what the Brits call, "cheeky". It was actually quite accurate, but also a little skewed to the sexual side of doll ownership. But why would that surprise anybody?


I am a doll person. Of that I am sure.


The only thing that REALLY bugged me and caused my nervous laugh, was that they lifted a photo off of my blog (without permission) as an accompanying photo to the story. And of course they picked the MOST sensational picture they could find (surprise, surprise). It's the only photo ever taken where I kiss my dolls cheek. To make matters worse, the photo was taken with my built in computer camera. Blech a technically defunct photo no less!!! Are they trying to give me heart failure?? I can assure you that it's going to piss the husband off more than me.



It's true, I like to be in control... although this time I have conceded. Late last night I set up the camera and snapped away some pics to illustrate my relationship with my dolls. You know', the professional relationship... Sure enough they would try to push the whole sexual aspect of doll ownership.


boring.


Let them print it. I don't give a shit at this point. I don't fuck the dolls!!!



But that's probably only because I am ill equipped!


Here is one of the pics from last night:


me likey!




*the above photo is Shane and me getting ready for another photo shoot. I look like a hag next to her, that skinny fake bitch!!!

rubber doll...

So I shot three rolls of film just to get the creative juices flowing, and I really enjoyed the process as well as the results. I want to print them out and drool all over the grain.


There is no photoshop, only resizing and adding my name.
Here are a few of the photos:






Over the past couple of weeks since my meeting with the Chelsea gallery owner, I am in the process of creating work for an exhibit (little of which you will see, it's to be kept under wraps). When the work is complete, I will go back to the gallery that is interested and let it all hang out, and I mean all of it. I have been told that my work definitely has something, but they want more.


more of what, they did not say...



just more.



They (okay mostly him, but her too!) satiated over the photos. Except for one photo he called "commercial crap", which he promptly tossed aside as though it literally it burned his eyes. It was super funny and I lol'd, honestly I did! I was surprised the meeting went on for well over an hour. It spoke VOLUMES to me. He told me to stop talking several times, and corrected my annunciation of a word or two. He was wonderful for giving so much of his valued time, and he really guided me in the right direction. I am thrilled to have met him, and I hope the stuff I am working on gives him what he so desires...




more.




*the above pics are my BoyToy doll Pricella, and a Realdoll face on a Boytoy body. The other is my beloved and oldest Realdoll Shane (the smoker). Her silicone is VERY fragile these days, she is slowly falling apart and it kinda' gives me the feeling that she is 'dying'.

:insert pouty face HERE: