I'm bringing sexy back.....

I missed being lighthearted.

Something clicked inside of me today. I had a very personal moment with myself and now I feel the need to cheer the fuck up.



*the above photo is Suki, my favorite doll..........for now

Comfortably numb...

I want to thank all of you who have left comments on my previous blog. You all have no idea how nice it is. Seriously, thank you.


So, I've had my moments but I am strong. And in the end I will be fine.

Here's what I know thus far: I have been misdiagnosed once already, but now know that I have a medium sized hole in my heart. The teensy blood clot that caused my TIA stroke probably traveled through the hole- up to my brain and into the right side somewhere. That was life's little warning for me. I think it was the best possible outcome (if your gonna' have a stroke, that is!). They will close up the hole through surgery.

gross.

I also have a slightly enlarged right ventricle which I am more concerned about than the hole in my heart. The right ventricle of the heart pumps blood to the lungs. Conversely the left side pumps blood to the rest of the body. That spooks me quite a bit because an enlarged right ventricle is often caused by an underlying disease. Most of those diseases are fatal.

Wish me luck.


I am nervous to find out the results of the most recent barrage of tests. I find out more this coming Tuesday....I can assure you the worse the news is- the longer it will take me to post about it here. It's been taking me a bit of time to adjust to this new chapter in my life, a disease would be a tough pill to swallow....but so is life.





Now I want to talk about something that has secretly been freaking me out....

When you face your own mortality, you go through some odd emotions. I began to google all of my old friends, some I have mentioned here and some I have not.

One friend in-particular was Patty. She and I shared the same birthday (September 10th) and were in the same homeroom but different grades. When I met Patty I was already in my 2nd year of high school. David (whom I've mentioned before) and I were already best friends since the summer before I turned 13. David went to a different high school than Patty and I did, but we all became fast friends. It didn't take long before we would become completely inseparable. The Three Muskateers to the end!!!!!

But Patty simply woke up one day (she was 19 and I was 20) and decided she was done with me. Our friendship ended for no reason. None. I still wonder to this day, why she turned on me. I never did or said anything to hurt Patty, I loved her. I honestly think she became jealous of me. Anyway, David and I remained friends for a few years longer, as I watched him helplessly throw his life away to heroin.

Well, I googled Patty first and found her name on FaceBook. I thought to myself, maybe she actually did become a lawyer and that she was married with kids or something. I quickly reactivated my account and clicked on her link. What I read was heart breaking. She had passed away in 2002 at 29 years old. I searched the internet for any information on her that I could find, but there was none. I later found out she too had starting shooting heroin and subsequently died because of her lifestyle. I will never know the whole story, only that she threw her beautiful life away and I was very sad to learn of it.

Next I googled David. He had been trying to contact me since we last spoke on September 13th 2001. He had called from Malta to make sure I was okay after 9/11. I told him I was engaged and a stockbroker, and he was really happy for me. He wasn't as fortunate as me. His life was still a mess. I hung up and knew we'd never be friends again. In 2006 I started receiving emails from various websites that David was searching for me...but I couldn't look back. I was at a beautiful place in my life.

Anyway, I searched his last name on Facebook just as I had done with Patty. I found his youngest brother Darren. I wrote Darren a note and requested his friendship. Here is the initial exchange:




Needless to say, I broke down and spent the whole day crying on and off. So sad. God I loved that kid. I loved him like he was my blood. He will forever be missed and mourned by me.


So there you have it.


They are both dead.



*the above photo is Patty, David, and me at the Lincoln High School Prom (I'm the midget on the right with my eyes closed). I didn't attend Lincoln anymore, I transferred to private school. David was the only guy at the prom with two dates. He was so fucking adorable...all flossy! He rented a Limo and bought both Patty and me flowers. Good times.

R.I.P.

Emotionally frail, like a child....

Fuck.

My health is not great right now. I will write more when I can...right now I am a hot mess. The bad news is about my heart. I could live with a bad heart for awhile, or I could die any second...who knows. The heart is weird like that. That is a fact. My heart caused my stroke. That too is a fact. I might need heart surgery...that remains to be seen.


Please understand I am scared, but I will adjust.


with love,
Stacy


*the above photo is me photographing Daniela V., this pic was shot almost a year ago in much happier and less frightening times.

The opposite of garbage dick (or, 'Why Retouching is king')...

I recently recieved an interesting phone call from an interesting person who offered me interesting pay to shoot his two "friends" from Florida. I obliged, thinking I would probably be shooting your average cute Florida chicks. No problem.

Well suffice to say I was a bit perturbed, when I met the girls...it was more than obvious these two were in no way models. But I was going to try and make them look like models. They styled themselves and did their own hair and make up. So, I failed to make them look like models. No biggie. But I am not taking the responsibility on this one. This is NOT a case of garbage dick. This is just me selling my skills/soul to average folk.






*the above before and after is two regular...uh, girls.








This blog post was made for Cristi!!!

retouching sucks...

...conversely, out-takes rule!!


*the above photo is not yet retouched- that's Cristi, my baby Mikey, and the rubber hussies.


the best!

If I were a dude...

I would be a garbage dick.




At least that's what my husband calls me. When we walk around the city, I point out attractive girls that I think are do-able (which apparently happens far too often). My hubby agrees with about 1/3 of my picks, and calls me crazy the rest of the time. I don't care if a girl is plump, or short, or skinny and boobless! If she has a pretty face and caries herself well- I'd hit it.

...if I were a dude, that is.


Don't confuse my lax taste for the average female, to be on par with women I would photograph. Those are two totally different worlds!!!

*the above photo is Ami, she is both "photograph-able" and "do-able"

tee hee...

...it was the sneakers, not my feet after all!


(see post below)



*and once again, the stunning Saglara

I'm Slowly Turning Into You...

Isn't it funny how the longer you're with someone, the more you start to pick up each others traits.

My socks smelled like my husbands toes after a shoot yesterday.


That is fucking disturbing.


Have you ever smelled my husband's toes? Not good, people. There are people who actually never take the time to scrub their feet. Now, I'm not saying that it's all men in-particular...but I have noticed a trend amongst most men I've known- to skimp out on this very important step in personal hygiene. Let's just say my husband is from the school of thought that, "the soapy water has to pass over the feet, so they're clean".

I however take overly indulgent showers- taking extra caution to scrub in between each individual toe with a washcloth!!! So you see, my feet should smell like daisies- not like my hubby's feet!


Sorry I didn't post for awhile, I think from now on, when there has been a period of time where life is dull and consists of little more then dinner out and some over due retouching...I will post photos or something just to let you all know I am thinkin' bout this blog and those that like to read it!!!

On a side note; an update if you will:

My Husband and I have been together for a long time now. We've been through some rough patches- but in the face of a crisis (the ol' Strokey McGee thing) your relationship strength is challenged. It is then that you learn how important your partnership really is. Since the stroke, my husband and I, have each put 100% into making our marriage stronger. I wish I could bottle the emotions we've gone through together- and our ability to resolve our issues. I am proud that we are both on the same page. I was really worried about my marriage...I'm not now. And why should I?


We fucking rock together.

*the above photo is Saglara. She is a fashion model and therefore she is clothed! I am sorry to disappoint my fellow perverts, but every once in awhile the naughty takes a back seat to beauty. Saglara is stunning. A living doll from Russia.

19...

she turned last week.


Carolyn that is.


No matter. She is still perfect.

*the above photo is Carolyn.

Las Vegas...

I don't know about you, but I've always liked Vegas. Spending some of my youth living in California with my mom, introduced me to Las Vegas at an early age. It was the 70's, and my mom would drive us over to Las Vegas from North Hollywood (where we lived at the time). We were broke and we always had a big old crappy car without any air conditioning. It took forever to get there and I remember wishing we had an 8 track instead of the shitty AM radio. The strip sure has changed since then...


Anyway, I went to the AVN and had a blast. There is always a bunch of friends of mine that also attend the AVN. It's quickly becoming a ritual that we meet up there and hang out. It helps that we all have the doll thing in common. I love these people...they mean a lot to me, and they know who they are.


I didn't take any photos of the AVN...but fear not!!!! I sent my husband out on Friday and Saturday with a camera, so there are many photos of porn stars for me to sift through. Every one of the girls he photographed seem sort of obscure to me, but most of them are really hot, so I think he did a great job. Besides he wouldn't recognize anyone famous, even if they were sitting on his lap. Oddly enough, some lesser celebrities attend this thing...I spotted Kid Rock at the entrance with about 40 photographers and fans surrounding him.

While I was in Las Vegas, I had the absolute pleasure of photographing a new model Named Yvette who debuted at the AVN. She is one of the newest dolls on the market, manufactured by a company called Lovable Dolls ( www.LovableDolls.com). She is a knockout and has some amazing details that I have NEVER seen on any doll before. You'll see more of these dolls soon, as the creator is busy at work sculpting and breathing life into clay and then subsequently into silicone. He is really talented and I wish him and his partner (she is very supportive) wild success.


My husbands Vegas Photos to follow...


*the above photo is Yvette, she is a body 1/head 1 from www.LovableDolls.com.

Porn...

...sure is useful!!!!


Seriously though, porn is a HUGE industry. In fact, if I'm not mistaken it's the fastest growing industry in the United States. So much so, that PayPal members demanded they allow adult transactions. Up until now PayPal (which is owned by Ebay) would not allow the purchase of adult items. That has officially changed. 'bout fuckin' time, huh?

Anywhoo, for three years we have a bit of a ritual around these parts...I am not sure why I haven't mentioned it before- but every January my husband and I attend the Adult Entertainment Expo, in sunny Las Vegas. Seeing as I am a fluffy type chick, I loves' me some Vegas! I could live there easily. Gross. I know. I actually have an aunt and cousin who live in Las Vegas. We don't talk much.

So once again I will be roughing it at a posh hotel in Vegas ogling some SERIOUSLY HOT WOMEN. I will meet my newest client from Japan, and I will order my first Black doll. YES FINALLY! I am excited to add a dark skinned doll to my line up. She is not my ideal when it comes to features. My ideal doll would look like Naomi Campbell or the R&B singer Cassie. I love both of these women and have a profound appreciation for their faces. This doll more closely resembles Leona Lewis or Beyonce. Both very beautiful women, but not my ideal choice. The moment I see a doll that is closer in resemblance to either Naomi or Cassie- I will buy her on the spot!


Well, I have to go do the dreaded packing...I HATE packing, I always forget something important.



*the above photo is Carolyn. She is still 18, and she is still perfect. That is all.

Memories made in the coldest winter...

Some people see art where others don't. I think these photos are beautiful, my mom thinks they're crap...


...to each their own.



*the above photos are shot from under a plexiglass floor with my i•phone.

Farewell Fucker....

Au Revoir 2008.

I thought we would have rocked it together, seeing as 8 is my favorite number. Let's not even make mention that 2008 was the year of the pig- which is my Chinese birth sign. Let's just mention the highest high, and the lowest low of 08':


high:
Having a 6 page feature in "Park" magazine about my art.



low:
Joining the "Strokey McGee" club certainly sucked ass.




I am looking forward to seeing what 2009 holds for me and my loved ones. I wish you all the best and a wonderful year ahead. May we all revel in greatness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*the above photo is Nomi, from 4Woods in Japan.

The best news EVER!!!!!!!!!!

I am okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After more tests, they've concluded that I have an abnormally large Arachnoid Granulation on the right side of my brain. I am not going to need brain surgery or die!!! Such a tremendous sigh of relief- contrary to the last few days spent between tests, crying and planning my living will (and death) with my husband (who was THE perfect husband the entire time).


Not fun.


So what does this mean to me and my health?
I'll live dammit!!! That's what the hell it means!!!! But we still don't know what caused my stroke, and why I suffer from some vision distortion in my left eye (maybe an after effect of the stroke itself) and why I get debilitating migraines. Something is wrong- but we will eventually exhaust every test until we find out what has happened and why. Once accomplished, I will beat the piss out of whatever it is.


Because I am strong like that.


When you face the things I have faced in the past few weeks (especially the last few days) you find out just what you are made of. Some people wince and cry in a corner; others get strong and tough. I am pleased to announce that I am the latter of the two. Don't get me wrong- I cried, but I was unafraid to face death. Really. I don't want to die...I was just far less afraid then I thought I would be.


I am alive and doing well (just call me Strokey McGee!!).



Now, to you all who have read my blog, written me and said prayers:
I love you all. Every damn one of you!!!!! A zillion thanks to those who have sent me positive thoughts. I felt them! I swear I did. You have made me feel like if I died, I had at least touched the lives of a few. And believe me, that means a lot when you reflect on your time spent here on earth. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are all such beautiful people. xoxo


Well now I'm all mushy, and that's a good time to say thanks again for the prayers....

It worked.


*the above photo is my new doll face Maya, She is a face 2/Tami from Realdoll. I took this photo the night before my MRI/MRA (I did it just in case I couldn't shoot a doll for awhile). Don't count me out just yet!!!

My Epicenter....

...is broken.

After my MRI and MRA today, I was told I have a blood clot in a vein on the right side of my brain. The doctor debated hospitalizing me, but decided being home is best for tonight. tomorrow in the early morning I will have another test to allow them to look at every vein in my brain. Currently the clot threatens my vision in my left eye...

I am scared shitless.


*the above photo is of me, taken this Monday after my EEG. The Technician was from Romania, and I am OBSESSED with "Vlad The Impaler"...needless to say this photo shows me in a happier space in time.