Sunday, October 12, 2008
deeper into the abyss...
Sometimes things just go wrong. Not because of any fault of your own- they just do.
I don't know why I give a shit, but tonight something happened that I found to be very hurtful. First a brief history lesson: I grew up in Brooklyn and we were never rich. In New York city the rich rub noses with the rich, the poor, and everything in between. Currently I live in a wealthy area of NYC where people have more money than you can fathom. I don't fit in with the label whore/ Park Ave. Princess type rich folk, because in my core, I still feel like the girl from Brooklyn who never had too much (or even enough for that matter).
Cut to tonight...
In the local gourmet grocery store armed only with a gold American Express, I bought some groceries for tomorrow. Maybe because it was 11:30 at night, maybe because I was wearing sneakers and jeans. Regardless, I don't know why but the lady accused me of using stolen credit cards. I was never so instantly angered and hurt all at once. Why did she assume I was a criminal? Could she tell underneath it all that I was just a poor kid from Brooklyn? She told me she would no longer accept credit cards from me.
There I was in jeans and sneakers, wearing 2 karat diamond earrings and a wedding band that would blind you. Unconfident (from my recent bout of depression) and shaken I yelled at her, "Are you kidding me? Lady, I'm rich!". Just then my doorman came in (his shift wasn't for another 30 minutes). I felt like an asshole for saying that- but I was really hurt and extremely embarrassed. That has never happened to me in my life. Not even when I actually was broke.
I left the store and began to cry on my walk home. When I came in and tried to tell my husband what happened, he didn't even look up from his newspaper to feign interest. I didn't get four sentences out, or to the part where she was horrible to me. I just stopped talking, left the room and went into my studio. I began to cry so hard it hurt my tummy, and he still never came out to see what happened (even though I prefaced the whole thing with, "something awful just happened to me"). Couple that with the sex that I get once a month, and you'll know why I'm a mess right now.
I used to be forbidden to discuss my marriage here in this blog, but he doesn't even read it anymore.
*the above photo is of Amy again...she has that whole Marilyn Monroe thing going on in this photo- a certain vulnerability we all have.