Monday, December 8, 2008

The day that changed my life...

A day much like today, except it was a little later in the morning and I was totally clueless that my life was about to change.

Last Tuesday (12/02/08 to be technical) I went to my sink to make a pot of coffee. Without warning, my left arm went wonky. I couldn't feel it. Cold sweats, dizzy, labored breathing- my head felt weird...I had to sit down. Even my bowels became loose. I was terrified and aware of what was happening and trying not to freak out- but I was convinced I was having a stroke.

I was.

The Doctor referred to it as a TIA Stroke or Transient Ischemic Attack. It is a bona-fide stroke, but fortunately it is one that has no lasting effects. My uncle had a major stroke by the time he turned 50. But I am 37. The chances of a reoccurrence within the first month is 4-8%, within the 1st year is 18%. Many people who suffer a TIA stroke, suffer a much larger stroke sometime within their life.

I don't have much to say, as I am totally freaked out and very upset by this. Heart disease runs in my family...I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified...

I am.

What if I can never press the shutter on a camera? Or lift my dolls for a shoot? Or have a baby? Or live to see 50?

I don't want to die, I'm too young. I have things to do.

*the above photo is of my three dolls. I had four but gave one away, somebody said I would have good Karma. yeah right.


Chip Willis said...

You already have good Karma, you just don't realize it yet.

One day you will.

In years from now you will look back at this time and laugh. I had the scares a few years ago, with my eyes. Times were scary. I found out who my friends really were. I found out what mattered the most.

Many people love you.

Many people appreciate you.

I can't say much more than that, and follow doctors orders. You are in good shape. It could be much worse.

Remember what you live for now, and not retreat and let the fear overcome you.

Mahtek said...


I'm so sorry to hear this. The fear must be terrible. But don't let that hold you back. You've been given a warning that many never get. Heed it. You can make the changes that make the difference.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Fargo said...

I'm really sorry about what happened to you, Stacy, a close relative of mine also suffered a stroke about a couple of weeks ago, but she's recovering and getting better every day, I think I can understand your situation and how you feel, but there's still much for you to look forward to, so you gotta stay positive and just follow your doctor's instructions. Wanda and myself wish you well and hope for the best for you.

Mihailo said...

Having had both parents die from cancer, and knowing that the chances of that being passed on to me and my brother are very high, I know what is like living with a sword over your head.

But, you must not be afraid of living. "Always look on the bright side of life."
You are beautiful, smart, talented and loved. This already separates you from the rest of the crowd.

I always felt that your soul is fragile from everything that happened in your life, and because as an artist you have that inner fire which drives you.
But I also felt that you sometime blame your self for the things which don't have anything to do with you.

Now, when you have uncovered the frailty of your body as well, I can not help but think that you might try to blame yourself for what is happening. You must not do this.
Sickness sometime comes, and you did nothing to invite it.

I don't know if the words of strangers reading your blog can be of comfort and help. But, by now, after so much time, you must know that you are important to all of us and that we love you.

Perry said...

You know what I'd say, and I'm saying it.

You know what I'd think, and I'm thinking it.

You know what I'd pray, and I'm praying it.

Evil Step Model said...

Wishing you the best xoxxo

Eddie Christy said...

I read often, but never comment...

Here's to living bold and not letting fear keep you from accomplishing the things you want in life!

Tia said...

I am so sorry to be reading this, and sorry I didn't read it sooner. I had no idea. This is awful news, especially coming from one of my favorite people I have ever met.. but I do believe Chip is right, it could be worse. You're not dead. Stay strong.

Davecat said...

Stacy -

Surely you're not going to let a tiny setback like this keep you from punching Life in the ballbag! You're stronger than that, and you know it. Everyone knows it!
So just use your recuperation time to take a wee break for a bit, and before you know it, you'll be back in action like nothing had ever happened. Just you watch!

Take care, Stacy! Never forget that you have the love and support of all your family, friends, and fans!

Tanya said...

Christ! that will def put shit in perspective.C
Chips right, don't let your mortality run the life that you have.
The only upside to passing early is you will prob get the recognition for your work that you already deserve now.

were here for ya!
Sorry you have to go through such a horrid thing.

Daniela Victoria said...

You know you're in my thoughts and prayers...

Jessie said...

I can't stop thinking about you since I read this Stacy I hope you are feeling better.. keep your spirits high darlin xoxoxo

Sinem said...

i don't even know what to say. I love ya woman, and I hope everything gets better. I'm sorry this happened. Stay strong and positive. I know it's easier said than done, but you are an inspirational person so I know you can come through this with your head held high. I hope I can see you soon. If i'm ever in the area i'll give you a call so i can stop by and give you a big hug <3

Lin said...

Chip said it best. We all have health scares. Mine was a serious wake up call to change my life, my stress levels, how I ate, how I thought, the works.

You have many friends to support you - let them look after you, mentally as well as physically. And please don't be afraid to make changes to your life. Our bodies are fragile machines - sometimes they need some extra maintenance to restore them to tip-top condition.

MichaelV. said...

I had a major stroke three years ago, it’s was Ischemic but mine wasn’t temporary. The “landslide” took out my right side and I had to learn to do everything over. I was in the hospital a month getting therapy and when I was released I could walk after a fashion but I had a cane. So I know pretty much what you’re going through. They told me I had a small warning stroke in my past that was probably too small to feel but I remember it like it was yesterday. Long story short I am better and still getting better yet. Don’t give up hope ever! And don’t believe the doctors when they say You’ll probably..., I fooled everybody and I walk again. Ditto for driving and relearning to cook and everything because I wouldn’t take a life handicapped. Remember the power is in your hands and mind. Do the thing’s they say you must do, take your medicines and keep a blood-pressure log and take that to the Dr.’s every time you go without fail. Get active in your recovery and never give up, like Lin says they all know that you never can give up an inch. My blog is: that has all my contacts so you can reach me if you need any info. Good luck girl, you’re getting the best of care from all the friends that surround you. Count yourself as very blessed.

Elisheba said...

You DO have a good karma!