19...

she turned last week.


Carolyn that is.


No matter. She is still perfect.

*the above photo is Carolyn.

Las Vegas...

I don't know about you, but I've always liked Vegas. Spending some of my youth living in California with my mom, introduced me to Las Vegas at an early age. It was the 70's, and my mom would drive us over to Las Vegas from North Hollywood (where we lived at the time). We were broke and we always had a big old crappy car without any air conditioning. It took forever to get there and I remember wishing we had an 8 track instead of the shitty AM radio. The strip sure has changed since then...


Anyway, I went to the AVN and had a blast. There is always a bunch of friends of mine that also attend the AVN. It's quickly becoming a ritual that we meet up there and hang out. It helps that we all have the doll thing in common. I love these people...they mean a lot to me, and they know who they are.


I didn't take any photos of the AVN...but fear not!!!! I sent my husband out on Friday and Saturday with a camera, so there are many photos of porn stars for me to sift through. Every one of the girls he photographed seem sort of obscure to me, but most of them are really hot, so I think he did a great job. Besides he wouldn't recognize anyone famous, even if they were sitting on his lap. Oddly enough, some lesser celebrities attend this thing...I spotted Kid Rock at the entrance with about 40 photographers and fans surrounding him.

While I was in Las Vegas, I had the absolute pleasure of photographing a new model Named Yvette who debuted at the AVN. She is one of the newest dolls on the market, manufactured by a company called Lovable Dolls ( www.LovableDolls.com). She is a knockout and has some amazing details that I have NEVER seen on any doll before. You'll see more of these dolls soon, as the creator is busy at work sculpting and breathing life into clay and then subsequently into silicone. He is really talented and I wish him and his partner (she is very supportive) wild success.


My husbands Vegas Photos to follow...


*the above photo is Yvette, she is a body 1/head 1 from www.LovableDolls.com.

Porn...

...sure is useful!!!!


Seriously though, porn is a HUGE industry. In fact, if I'm not mistaken it's the fastest growing industry in the United States. So much so, that PayPal members demanded they allow adult transactions. Up until now PayPal (which is owned by Ebay) would not allow the purchase of adult items. That has officially changed. 'bout fuckin' time, huh?

Anywhoo, for three years we have a bit of a ritual around these parts...I am not sure why I haven't mentioned it before- but every January my husband and I attend the Adult Entertainment Expo, in sunny Las Vegas. Seeing as I am a fluffy type chick, I loves' me some Vegas! I could live there easily. Gross. I know. I actually have an aunt and cousin who live in Las Vegas. We don't talk much.

So once again I will be roughing it at a posh hotel in Vegas ogling some SERIOUSLY HOT WOMEN. I will meet my newest client from Japan, and I will order my first Black doll. YES FINALLY! I am excited to add a dark skinned doll to my line up. She is not my ideal when it comes to features. My ideal doll would look like Naomi Campbell or the R&B singer Cassie. I love both of these women and have a profound appreciation for their faces. This doll more closely resembles Leona Lewis or Beyonce. Both very beautiful women, but not my ideal choice. The moment I see a doll that is closer in resemblance to either Naomi or Cassie- I will buy her on the spot!


Well, I have to go do the dreaded packing...I HATE packing, I always forget something important.



*the above photo is Carolyn. She is still 18, and she is still perfect. That is all.

Memories made in the coldest winter...

Some people see art where others don't. I think these photos are beautiful, my mom thinks they're crap...


...to each their own.



*the above photos are shot from under a plexiglass floor with my i•phone.

Farewell Fucker....

Au Revoir 2008.

I thought we would have rocked it together, seeing as 8 is my favorite number. Let's not even make mention that 2008 was the year of the pig- which is my Chinese birth sign. Let's just mention the highest high, and the lowest low of 08':


high:
Having a 6 page feature in "Park" magazine about my art.



low:
Joining the "Strokey McGee" club certainly sucked ass.




I am looking forward to seeing what 2009 holds for me and my loved ones. I wish you all the best and a wonderful year ahead. May we all revel in greatness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*the above photo is Nomi, from 4Woods in Japan.

The best news EVER!!!!!!!!!!

I am okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After more tests, they've concluded that I have an abnormally large Arachnoid Granulation on the right side of my brain. I am not going to need brain surgery or die!!! Such a tremendous sigh of relief- contrary to the last few days spent between tests, crying and planning my living will (and death) with my husband (who was THE perfect husband the entire time).


Not fun.


So what does this mean to me and my health?
I'll live dammit!!! That's what the hell it means!!!! But we still don't know what caused my stroke, and why I suffer from some vision distortion in my left eye (maybe an after effect of the stroke itself) and why I get debilitating migraines. Something is wrong- but we will eventually exhaust every test until we find out what has happened and why. Once accomplished, I will beat the piss out of whatever it is.


Because I am strong like that.


When you face the things I have faced in the past few weeks (especially the last few days) you find out just what you are made of. Some people wince and cry in a corner; others get strong and tough. I am pleased to announce that I am the latter of the two. Don't get me wrong- I cried, but I was unafraid to face death. Really. I don't want to die...I was just far less afraid then I thought I would be.


I am alive and doing well (just call me Strokey McGee!!).



Now, to you all who have read my blog, written me and said prayers:
I love you all. Every damn one of you!!!!! A zillion thanks to those who have sent me positive thoughts. I felt them! I swear I did. You have made me feel like if I died, I had at least touched the lives of a few. And believe me, that means a lot when you reflect on your time spent here on earth. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are all such beautiful people. xoxo


Well now I'm all mushy, and that's a good time to say thanks again for the prayers....

It worked.


*the above photo is my new doll face Maya, She is a face 2/Tami from Realdoll. I took this photo the night before my MRI/MRA (I did it just in case I couldn't shoot a doll for awhile). Don't count me out just yet!!!

My Epicenter....

...is broken.

After my MRI and MRA today, I was told I have a blood clot in a vein on the right side of my brain. The doctor debated hospitalizing me, but decided being home is best for tonight. tomorrow in the early morning I will have another test to allow them to look at every vein in my brain. Currently the clot threatens my vision in my left eye...

I am scared shitless.


*the above photo is of me, taken this Monday after my EEG. The Technician was from Romania, and I am OBSESSED with "Vlad The Impaler"...needless to say this photo shows me in a happier space in time.

The day that changed my life...

A day much like today, except it was a little later in the morning and I was totally clueless that my life was about to change.

Last Tuesday (12/02/08 to be technical) I went to my sink to make a pot of coffee. Without warning, my left arm went wonky. I couldn't feel it. Cold sweats, dizzy, labored breathing- my head felt weird...I had to sit down. Even my bowels became loose. I was terrified and aware of what was happening and trying not to freak out- but I was convinced I was having a stroke.


I was.



The Doctor referred to it as a TIA Stroke or Transient Ischemic Attack. It is a bona-fide stroke, but fortunately it is one that has no lasting effects. My uncle had a major stroke by the time he turned 50. But I am 37. The chances of a reoccurrence within the first month is 4-8%, within the 1st year is 18%. Many people who suffer a TIA stroke, suffer a much larger stroke sometime within their life.

I don't have much to say, as I am totally freaked out and very upset by this. Heart disease runs in my family...I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified...


I am.



What if I can never press the shutter on a camera? Or lift my dolls for a shoot? Or have a baby? Or live to see 50?



I don't want to die, I'm too young. I have things to do.



*the above photo is of my three dolls. I had four but gave one away, somebody said I would have good Karma. yeah right.

HBO's "Real Sex"...

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Tia and Suki...

...part deux.

Because this one is my favorite.


*the above photo is of Tia and Suki doll.

Haute Couture...

...okay, not really. But it does remind me of something you might see in a French Fashion magazine. Nipples and all...

Vive La France!!!!




*once again, the beautiful Suki doll

Switchin' it up, huzza...

I was in the mood to shoot as if I were doing a celebrity portrait, maybe a pretend Blender magazine cover, or Giant magazine. Hey! Don't laugh, I can dream can't I??? One thing that is a constant in my mind, is my desire to do highly stylized (i.e.jacked up) celebrity portraiture.

I would LOVE to shoot Lil' Wayne, or Jessica Simpson (yes, I said Jessica Simpson...she's hot- so fuck off!!!!) even a lesser known Cassie is on my "shoot wish list". Shooting celebrities will likely never happen for me, despite the fact that two celebrities live right in the apartment upstairs....why would they shoot with me? I have zero references from anybody who might be considered a celeb. So what's a girl to do?


Not much.


I can start to shoot some commercial shit. Say it with me folks, "Commercial Shit". Because that is precisely what commercial photography is to an artist. At least it's shit compared to...let's say fashion photography for instance- which tends to be highly artistic. I can safely assume a lot of my work is too edgy for most celebrities, though I do feel like musicians are a bit more open minded when it comes to PR shots. Hence the desire to shoot for magazines like Giant or Blackbook.

Whelp...in the never ending quest to become a well known and desired photographer, I must shoot for the masses. I used a model I have shot with before and I totally made her look like a quasi pop star. Since these days almost every magazine is using white seamless, I whipped out my paper and went to town.

This is the result:



I am sure there are ten thousand things wrong with it...but I love these photos none the less.


*the above photo is Tia, and in case you're too old to know what's on her teeth...it's called a grill, or GRILLZ! And they have been around for a very, very long time. I love grillz. Hell, I liked em' back when they were called "fronts".


AND...............just so your head doesn't hurt from the commercial stuff, here is Tia in an artsy photograph:



*the above photo is Tia with my doll Suki. Suki is available @ http://aidoll.4woods.jp/

ouch!!!

...hurt me baby girl! This is Carolyn. She is 18. She is perfect.

that's all.




:)

and then there was...

*the above art was done by me while I had the flu this past week. Ramona was a girl in my gym class when I was in High School- I still paint her to this day. She was absolutely flawless, like a living doll.

I Love Leon Washington...

At 5'8" and 202lbs. (small in stature according to industry standards), number 29 of the New York Jets is by far my FAVORITE player!!!! He is such an amazing talent- smart, fast, determind. I worship the guy...

...that's all I wanted to say.
: )


*the above photo is my silicone Japanese goddess, Suki.

Hiroo, you rock!