Thursday, March 13, 2008

Polaroids.....






I'll miss them.

It seems as though the technology has yet to be licensed to another company. This kind of worries me a little bit. Polaroids remind me so much of the 70's, it would be tragic to see the demise of them. Remember "Body on Tap" shampoo and "The Weeble Wobble Treehouse"?

Well I do- and I would hate to see the beloved Polariod go the way of the Dodo bird.




*the above composite is some of my doll polaroids, sorry for the shit quality but I don't have a scanner- so that is literally a photograph of them.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Love......




eludes me right now......


I feel like a dot.






*The above photo is of Stella and her tuft.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

happy endings........





....or not.

I can't decide. My husband went for his umpteenth massage and came home with his undies on inside out.


what the fuck?


I told my Dr. about it during casual conversation, and he said the first thing he does when he gets a massage- is get naked. I can't quite get a grasp on this concept. I don't know- maybe I am crazy jealous or something but last time my husband got a massage, I did a crotch check and noticed there was oil pooled around his balls....

I'll admit I am literally laughing as I write this- but at the same time I am really perturbed by it too. I suppose I will go get some naked massages,  just to level the playing field.






*the above photo is Ebony, she is blessed with awesome boobs.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

"Fanny Burp"


The cutest name for a fart I have ever heard! I almost love it as much as I love the term "coin purse" for testicles.


Anyway, I thought I would list my top ten favorite movies (that I can remember right now) They are listed in no particular order, just posting them as I think of them.


My Absurd Top 10 Movies list:

1. The Usual Suspects

2. Freeway

3. Heathers

4. American Beauty

5. Seven

6. Menace to Society

7. Requiem For a Dream

8. Boiler Room

9. SLC Punk

10. Hair

*The above photo is the sweet Stella, photographed in all natural light (different for me).

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I am Ridiculous....


It's true.

I was invited by the International Center for Photography (I.C.P.) to submit my work for an exhibition.....but I missed the deadline. I fucking hate myself for it, and cried a river over my irresponsible behavior. On the flip side- my former instructor, has sent me information for a photography contest she thinks I should enter.

I'm not that good.


But I'll enter- you never know, maybe I'll get honorable mention. I feel a little stale in my photography lately- but you knew that from my recent blog entries! I am slowly coming back from a debilitating bout with the black dog (depression) and shooting is lagging behind. I have only been shooting once or twice a week....not great for somebody obsessed with every aspect of photography.

I have about ten rolls of film to get developed, I have to submit for this contest, and lastly I have to follow up with the publishers I sent my mock up to. I have another publisher that is interested in publishing the book- but I don't want them......


I want Tashen.


....I told you I was ridiculous.






*The above photo is Nicole, she is an angel.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Scoots McGee....

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Monday, January 7, 2008

24 Hours to Go...


I wanna be sedated.

Sex for a doughnut...



In my defense I was PMSing and in dire need of chocolate. I thought it was a clever ploy on my hubbys behalf and I took him up on the offer- but decided to do it sans doughnut.

I have been in a vortex of editing and not shooting at all. Pair that with the holidays (which I derive absolutely NO pleasure from) and this can trigger a full blown funk. Which it has. I have been so anti social and introverted as of late that it's disturbing to me. I come from a long line of loonies, and pray constantly that I don't go off the deep end.

Recently my favorite uncle has moved back to NYC after living in California for over twenty years. Having not seen him in awhile, I have determined that he is one step from becoming an eccentric homeless person. My husband was actually scared of him when he met him for the first time, two weeks ago. To be honest, I find it all very very sad....he used to be a Doctor, but began to lose it- eventually his wife left with their two children and shortly after that he had a stroke. He is not the only one on my moms side of the family with some form of mental illness. My moms uncle Henry lived in a Penthouse in the Waldorf for years, one room in his apartment was devoted to hundreds of birds. I remember the back of his head was flat, and I always assumed that was why he was crazy. My Aunt has been on lithium for years and is quite scary, my mom is by far the most normal of the bunch- but even she isn't without issues. The good news (for me anyway) is that my fathers family was normal.....so I only have a 50% chance of losing my fucking mind.

Have you ever awoke in the morning, looked at your reflection and thought, "You again?". Well this is how I've been feeling a lot lately. I am losing confidence in my photographic abilities. I am in the dumper, and finding solace in Becks song "loser".


I hope the tides change soon.


Oh, and my last blog entry was inspired by a good friend who is going through a tough time. My heart goes out to him.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

To Whom it May Concern........



"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying-
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying."

-Dorothy Parker



*The above photo is of me, shot by the brilliant Gary Breckheimer

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

California......


Is where I'll be for the next five days. Shooting fodder for a website I adore. I'll be in a doll lovers paradise. You can just smell the silicone, can't you?


I can.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

? and !

Well, I am not suprised. Geraldo cancelled. Supposedly it was in favour of the California wildfires. I can't say I blame him.....although the cynic in me believes it's because they couldn't get an owner who has a relationship with their doll.

I really wonder?

Let me take a poll.....

Do you think it was the former or latter of the two reasons?


I vote the latter- but we've established that I am a cynical cunt.

pun:

Freak on a Leash....




yep.



I have been retreating into myself lately, shooting my two newest Realdoll faces. There's face 15, which I have named Jaime and face 16, I now call Ashley. I hate when I get stuck in a 'bout with depression....but those new doll faces sure did make it pass quickly!

So tomorrow at the crack of dawn i am to be photographed by the uber talented artist Gary Breckheimer. If you aren't familiar with his art- he photographs nudes in public. Generally wacky and always brilliant...I was FIENDING to be a subject for him! Well tomorrow is my opportunity to stand naked, in public, in New York City!!! WOOO fuckin' HOOO!!!!!!! Scary and exciting all at once.

While I was walking back from Soho last night, I got a call from Abyss (in case you have a shit memory: Abyss makes the Realdoll...duh) about the Geraldo Rivera Show on Fox News. It seems that because of the movie, 'Lars and the Real Girl' Geraldo feels the need to investigate the relationship between dolls and their owners. I am almost certain he will try to put a sensational spin on the discussion, but I am nothing like Lars. In fact- not one doll owner that I know of, actually believes their doll to be real- the men who do have relationships with their dolls would NEVER go on the Geraldo show. I don't blame them- they are constantly ridiculed. It's live, I'm a little worried about the outcome- but....

Whatever.

I'm doing it. Not for self promotion, but because I genuinely adore dolls!


Always have, always will.




The above photo is the stunning Nerlande and her fabulous nipple, check out her blog- the link is to the right. The title is a song from Korn.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Quoted by the Associated Press......



'LARS' movie shines light on RealDolls



By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer
Thu Oct 18, 8:02 AM ET




SAN MARCOS, Calif. - A dozen headless female bodies hang from industrial metal hooks in the center of the room. To the left are a table of plastic faces, awaiting makeup. To the right, a stack of silicone molds ready for the next order of life-sized love toys.

Normally reserved for private play, these high-end, anatomically correct dolls are getting big-screen exposure with the recent release of "Lars and the Real Girl," an offbeat, surprisingly chaste comedy about a lonely introvert (Ryan Gosling) and Bianca, the silicone object of his affection.

Bianca, a freckle-nosed brunette, was born just east of San Diego at Abyss Creations. The 11-year-old company that makes RealDolls will ship 400 dolls to the U.S. and abroad this year — at upward of $6,500 each.

RealDolls can be actresses, lovers, photo subjects or companions. Customers can choose from 10 body types, 16 faces and 17 hairstyles to create their dream girl. They specify skin tone, hair and eye color, makeup palette and nail-polish shade. The dolls have interchangeable faces ($500 each), so with the pull of some Velcro and the flip of a wig, she's like a whole new gal.

They're made from soft silicone that takes two days to cure to a somewhat flesh-like feel. With jointed skeletons they're entirely poseable — "They move in the same places people move," company spokeswoman Bronwen Keller says — but they can't stand up on their own. They range in height from 4'10" to 5'7" and weigh 75 to 115 pounds. There is also a male doll, "Charlie," who stands 5'8" and weighs 130 pounds.

The artists who spend about 80 hours crafting each doll all started out in the Halloween industry, says creative director and chief executive officer Matt Krivicke, 36. Before working with RealDoll, he made Halloween masks. (O.J. Simpson was his most popular.)

For many doll owners, and for Gosling's character in the film, the dolls are more like companions, each with her own personality and presence.

"She looks like a person," says Rob McKay, 55, a writer who owns two dolls, Lily and Eden. "Even though she's not a breathing person, psychologically you feel like someone is with you. They're like a balm for loneliness or aloneness."

McKay and other doll owners, who share their stories and photos online at DollForum.com, compare the life-size ladies to "teddy bears for adults."

"That's where she's done the most good, reducing the feeling of solitude," McKay says, adding that he prefers intimacy with a live partner but hasn't had a girlfriend since 2001. "Just having her there to hug or just to have somebody close by, even though it's not, obviously, a warm body."

A member of DollForum.com who goes by the name Doll Luvr says his doll "is far more than just an expensive sex toy."

"She sleeps with me, watches TV with me, sits at the table and has coffee with me," he writes. "Just having a female shape laying next to me in bed is very comforting."

Gosling's character gets emotional, but never physical, with Bianca. But whereas Lars is delusional and believes the doll is alive, most doll owners "know where to draw the line," McKay says.

The dolls "inspire imagination," he says. "You put what you think into the doll, so you're projecting part of yourself onto this inanimate creature and making her seem more lifelike."

Stacy Leigh, 36, a married photographer who lives in New York, uses her two RealDolls as photo subjects. Both are petite and "could fit in all my clothing, same shoe size and everything," she says, noting that one doll has a more curvaceous figure. ("The one with the big boobs is the sluttier of the two," she says.) Leigh owns six faces and more than 30 wigs and divides her time between shooting real models and shooting the dolls. She staunchly defends her fellow doll owners.


"Most guys just need it because they just want to feel somebody in the bed next to them, even though it's not a real person," she says. "I feel bad for those guys."

Doll owners tend to be "older men with disposable income," Keller says, adding that the dolls are also popular with couples and artists. RealDolls have been used in movies, music videos and by a forensic studies program as models in sex-crime scenarios, Keller says.

Chicago-based artist Amber Hawk Swanson had a doll made in her exact likeness as part of a multimedia art project. The 27-year-old says she didn't anticipate the relationship she would form with Amber Doll.

During the nine months it took for her doll to arrive, "I really did picture her as real," Swanson says. "Not that I imagined her walking around my house, but I just couldn't wait. I just imagined cuddling up with her."

Swanson is continuing her art project, but she now has a live romantic partner who's "thankful that I've moved past the time when I pictured my life with this doll and not with a human."

She says doll owners can identify with "Lars and the Real Girl," which she describes as "a movie starring a RealDoll that's true to the way many people interact with their dolls: in a partnership way."

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Back in the day........





I used to be a club kid....not the baggy jean, whistle blowing annoyances that you're thinking of. My generation of club goers' were employed by Micheal Alig. Micheal was a purveyor of good times. The man threw THE most amazing parties EVER!!!! Disco 2000 was on Wednesday nights and anybody who mattered was there. Hell, I even danced in a cage with Amanda Lapore (who was nice to me, until a guy she liked was more interested in me then her). I remember the drugs the dancing and the good times...eventually the good times would come to a screetching halt.

We all knew that Micheal Alig murdered Angel. Every Disco 2000 regular was fully aware of the altercation that led to the demise, of a dirty wing wearing club kid. Micheal went from decorating the club with feathers and glitter to using cow parts purchased from a local butcher and dumping tons of ketchup on them, reminicant of a disco house of horrors. I remember one time I was tripping on E and the smell of ketchup mixing with rotting meat was making me want to vomit, so I went to the VIP called "Shampoo".

Once past the velvet rope being manned by Aphrodita ( A hot European chick, who mouth raped me once!) I noticed a group of my friends dancing to the groovy 80's tunes. I went over and together we formed a happy drugged circle of freaks. We danced and laughed and danced some more. Another friend came over with a joint laced with PCP, that my friend Ray had taken a HUGE drag of. Two songs later Ray went wild in the eyes- and I saw it. I was scared, so I grabbed my best friend David and began to leave. No sooner then we start backing away, Ray grabbed each girl on either side of him by the hair and yanked them straight down with every ounce of strength he had. they screamed like I never heard a human scream before. And there was Ray standing there still dancing with his legs but wild eyed, white knuckling the girls hair with clumps of bloody flesh at the ends. Before we could grab the girls- security encircled Ray and beat him up all the way outside, where they left him battered, bloody and high.

It was a bad night.

A few years later Ray would knowingly fuck a gangsters wife. They would have the wife call Ray, to meet her at Marine Park in Brooklyn in the parking lot. The passenger jumped out of the van and sliced Rays throat nearly decapitating him, then they ran him over once in drive and once in reverse. I felt very badly for the son he left behind, and I cried because Ray never did anything wrong to me...but I knew the world was a safer place without him.


The above photo is me on my second birthday September 10, 1973.....back in the day.