Sunday, January 27, 2008

Scoots McGee....




...and me. On an emotional roller coaster. Stop the ride, I don't want to feel anything.



Nothing.


The above photo is a pic I took for www.RealDoll.com that they never used- why waste it.

Monday, January 7, 2008

24 Hours to Go...


I wanna be sedated.

Sex for a doughnut...



In my defense I was PMSing and in dire need of chocolate. I thought it was a clever ploy on my hubbys behalf and I took him up on the offer- but decided to do it sans doughnut.

I have been in a vortex of editing and not shooting at all. Pair that with the holidays (which I derive absolutely NO pleasure from) and this can trigger a full blown funk. Which it has. I have been so anti social and introverted as of late that it's disturbing to me. I come from a long line of loonies, and pray constantly that I don't go off the deep end.

Recently my favorite uncle has moved back to NYC after living in California for over twenty years. Having not seen him in awhile, I have determined that he is one step from becoming an eccentric homeless person. My husband was actually scared of him when he met him for the first time, two weeks ago. To be honest, I find it all very very sad....he used to be a Doctor, but began to lose it- eventually his wife left with their two children and shortly after that he had a stroke. He is not the only one on my moms side of the family with some form of mental illness. My moms uncle Henry lived in a Penthouse in the Waldorf for years, one room in his apartment was devoted to hundreds of birds. I remember the back of his head was flat, and I always assumed that was why he was crazy. My Aunt has been on lithium for years and is quite scary, my mom is by far the most normal of the bunch- but even she isn't without issues. The good news (for me anyway) is that my fathers family was normal.....so I only have a 50% chance of losing my fucking mind.

Have you ever awoke in the morning, looked at your reflection and thought, "You again?". Well this is how I've been feeling a lot lately. I am losing confidence in my photographic abilities. I am in the dumper, and finding solace in Becks song "loser".


I hope the tides change soon.


Oh, and my last blog entry was inspired by a good friend who is going through a tough time. My heart goes out to him.